Category: Rants

Dear stranger in the night

Last night I wasn’t feeling all too well.  Actually, I’m still not feeling too great.  My throat and ears hurt and are swollen and i just feel tired and run down.  More than anything i wanted to have a relatively early night (in my books that means getting to bed before midnight).  So i took my meds and timed it right that i would be extremely sleepy no later than 11pm.

For once i fell asleep immediately! you have to understand…being an insomniac this rarely happens…even when taking medicine.  Generally I don’t switch my cell phone off at night.  The reason for this is that I’m always petrified that there would be an emergency or something would happen and someone might need me and then I won’t be available.  So my phone is always on.  Also, an sms notification doesn’t wake me, a phone call however does. It’s the perfect arrangement really.

Then last night at 12:45AM my phone started ringing….still being very much asleep i didn’t even bother looking at who was calling, i just answered, my heart beating a mile a minute.  I mean, why else would your phone ring at 12:45AM…something had to be wrong somewhere right? WRONG! It was you. The conversation that followed went something like this:
Sleepy Ruby : Hello?
Stranger : Hello.  Eish….Who are you?
Slightly more awake Ruby : What?
Stranger : Who am i talking to?
Slightly annoyed Ruby : Why would you ask that? You called the number…who the hell are you and who are you looking for????
Stranger : eh…I’m looking for you
Highly annoyed ruby : Bulldust! a second ago you didn’t even know who you were talking to.  Listen here idiot….it’s quarter to 1 in the MORNING! Who the hell calls people at that time? Stupid people…that’s who! Screw you dude!
*Ruby puts down the phone and switches it to silent mode*

Then this morning when i recalled the incident I wasn’t quite sure if i was dreaming or if it was real.  So I checked my phone.  Ohmigosh! 34 missed calls….34…I kid you NOT! From your number.  For one of them you actually left a voice mail…livid because i had called you stupid and asking me who the hell i thought i was for saying you’re stupid.  Dude! 12:45 AM and 34 missed calls later to a person you don’t even know…what the hell??

Needless to say I didn’t sleep very well.  Once i get awakened like that i really battle to fall asleep again, and even when i do it is broken and disturbed.  I was NOT a happy ruby this morning.

Next time i suggest you block your number if you want to do something like this.  I have your number, and I’m still contemplating putting it on twitter and begging all the world to give you random calls at all hours of the night.  34 missed calls *shakes head*  I suppose it takes all sorts to make up the world.

Ruby

Dear old schoolfriend

*sigh* I have no words…really.  I’ve been increasingly annoyed with the fact that i had to organize the reunion…but today you managed to step on my very last nerve.  To give you some background…the official reunion invite contained (very clearly in fact) the date, the time, the venue, the costs involved.

Then today i get a call from you…..the conversation went as follows:

Old Schoolfriend(OS): Hey Ruby! How are you?
Ruby: Oh hi Old Schoolfriend…I’m all good thanks, how’s you?
OS: I’m good…looking forward to Saturday and stuff.
Ruby: Ja, me too…It’s going to be really cool to see everyone again.
OS: About the reunion, I’d just like to check one or two things with you.
Ruby: Oh sure, no problem.  What’s up? (Please note…here my courage fails me…I’ve had a whole range of stupid questions the last couple of weeks…i was expecting another)
OS:  I’ve got the invite open on the computer and I just wanted to know if any of the arrangements changed?
Ruby:  Nope, everything stays exactly the same where arrangements are concerned.  The only thing that changed is the food…but you don’t have to worry about it.
OS: OK cool…so I’m wondering…what time is the reunion?
Ruby: *thinks….WHAT THE HELL…you’re looking at the invite* Do you have the invite in front of you?
OS: Yes
Ruby: What does it say?
OS: It says it’s three o’clock
Ruby: so which part of ‘none of the arrangements have changed’ didn’t you understand?
OS: So what are you telling me…it’s not at 3?
Ruby: *sighing audibly* it’s at 3.

Now do you understand why I’m convinced all the stupid people in the world are ganging up on me this week?

Ruby
xxxx

Dear residents of 119

Right…I get it.  You’re all young, you like to have fun and to party it up. So am I.  But there are limits.  You do NOT throw a huge ass party at your apartment in a complex on a MONDAY night that lasts until 5:30 in the morning.  You do NOT throw open all your doors and windows and make as much noise as you possibly can. 

You are selfish and rude and I’ve decided i don’t like you at all.  By 3am this morning i was close to tears.  I’m studying for one of the biggest exams I’ll ever write and last night i got hardly any sleep because of your party.  Now, if it had been a Friday or a Saturday night i would have been way more understanding…it’s weekend after all.

Please believe me when i say that if you decide to pull the same trick EVER again i will not think twice about calling the police, and as it is i shall be handing an official complaint to the body corporate.

Regards
GrumpyRuby

Dear landlord

Let me start off with telling you that I absolutely LOVE the place.  I feel at home and happy and complete there.  It’s ideally situated, safe and very much Rubylike:)

There is just one little thing that’s bothering me at the moment.  Let me start at the beginning.  When we signed the lease agreement, you insisted on a clause allowing you to come for inspections.  I was willing to allow this but only if the visits took place at a time that was convenient for me…as of course I’d never allow you an inspection if I was not at home.  What I didn’t realise at the time is that you have your own set of keys for the house. 

Now granted, many people have told me this is quite normal.  And I wasn’t too disturbed by it as the complex security is very strict and if you don’t have an access card the only way you can access the complex is by them calling a resident.  But when you came for your little inspection visit last week you had a hissy fit because they wouldn’t let you in without calling me first and then you insisted that I give you one of my access cards.  Oh hell no! This is where I put my foot down.  I’m the resident, I’m entitled to 2 access cards, if you want one, contact the maintenance people and find out if you’re entitled to one.

But this has led to another problem for me.  Why would you need an access card? Surely you don’t have any business being here unless I’m at home and opening for you?  Needless to say I’m feeling slightly paranoid.  The fact that on monday morning I couldn’t find a newly washed outfit that I KNOW I put into my cupboard on sunday afternoon did not help my paranoia.  I turned my whole house upside down in the last 3 days trying to find it and finally gave up.  Then yesterday when I was actually looking for something else I found it by accident.  Now I suppose it’s possible that i missed it.  But I can’t be sure, now can i?  Also, this morning when I woke up my bedroom door was closed and there was a glass of water next to my bed.  I never close my bedroom door, nor do I take water to my bedroom, unless I’m sick. To be honest….I do sleepwalk.  So its possible that I closed the door and placed the water there….but I can’t help feeling ever so slightly uncomfortable.

So, this coming weekend i’ll be replacing the lock on my door.  I’ll leave the security gate as is, but the lock on the door can easily be changed.  And then, when I move out i’ll just put the original lock back in.  You need never know.  The only way you’ll ever find out is if you try to enter my house without me being at home…which you’re not allowed to do in the first place.

Please understand that i’m not actually acusing you of something.  I like you.  I get along with you superbly and i plan on keeping it that way.  But I’m a girl who lives on her own.  I don’t know you well, and my first concern is keeping myself safe. And since i love the apartment so much, i’d hate to start feeling uncomfortable because of a stupid set of keys.

Regards
Ruby
xxxx

Dear *insert name of well known medium sized jozi auditing firm*

I am not impressed…in fact, I’m appalled and disgusted.  How can you call yourself an auditor and pretend like you’re all ethical and stuff? You are an utter disgrace to the profession.

But let me start at the beginning.  A couple of months ago a group of companies decided that they didn’t want you as their auditors anymore.  They had various reasons for this, the biggest of which was that they could never get hold of the partner assigned to them and the financial statements take months and months and months to prepare.  They chose us as their new auditors. 

By law, the previous auditors are required to sign off all files and give us all the secretarial and taxation files, as well as minutes and resolutions etc etc etc.  Let me  just say i can completely understand WHY the client wanted to move.  The engaging partner is an absolute nightmare to get hold of.  He NEVER returns calls, doesn’t reply to e-mails and is always in a meeting when you call.  It took me almost two months just to organize the transfer of the files….ridiculous!

Recently, we signed another new client, also one of your previous clients.  During the course of the audit we had checked opening balances and did the audit work as prescribed.  All the while finding that the previous year’s financials contained many many errors.  NOT only that, but the figures in the financial statements didn’t actually agree to the figures in the general ledger…as in not even remotely.  Instead of preparing the financials using the same software you use to perform the audit, you had the financials typed up manually, and you just changed figures as you pleased.  What the hell??? AND to top it all off the disclosure was not as per the reporting standards that we have to adhere to, but the audit report isn’t even qualified! The poor client has been paying loads of tax(which by right he didn’t owe) for the last couple years because of this…it’s fraud!  I’ve lost hours and hours of workable hours trying to fix your mess.

Granted…I did fix it and sort out all the issues.  But it saddens and infuriates me that there are companies like you that don’t give a damn about ethics and the fact that you bring our profession into disrepute.

FYI….we will be reporting you to the board, and we have informed the client of the extent of the problem…I’m guessing you might have a court case on your hands somewhere in the near future.

Regards
AngryRuby