Dear *insert name of guesthouse here*

So I’ve been making use of your establishment for a total of 16 nights now.  The place is absolutely lovely.  It is so lovely with the little (read not so little in the current flood situation) river running just below, the splash pool and the general calm and tranquility that seem to be the atmosphere you try to create.

In the time that I have been here I’ve only come across 2 things worthy of complaint.  Firstly, and I do understand that this is a bed and breakfast you run here, but surely it’s my choice if I want to partake in the breakfast?  Last week I was simply just running late every morning and couldn’t afford to go and have a sit down breakfast.  The two weekends that i spend here I try and relax as much as possible, considering that the job is highly stressful and that I’m not at home and in a super relaxed environment.  I was amazed to find out that you only serve your breakfast between 7 and 9 in the morning.  While 9am is perfectly fine for a weekday if you are in town for business…..there is no way that I’m going to drag myself out of bed and get myself presentable to face a whole bunch of people for breakfast before 9 on a saturday/sunday morning if I didn’t wake up early to begin with.  In my opinion this is my choice and I’m free to do so…I am after all paying the full amount regardless of whether I’m making use of your breakfast facilities or not.  I do NOT think it is on that your manager approaches me over the weekend to inform me that she considers it rude of me NOT to attend breakfast. WHAT THE HELL??

Secondly….I love the fact that your staff comes in every morning around 11 to clean my room and make sure everything is super clean and tidy when I get home after work.  It’s nice to walk into a fresh smelling room with clean towels and sheets every day.  And until today I would not have complained about this.  But today I got back and the door to my room was wide open.  Not just unlocked, oh no, WIDE OPEN.  It had been wide open since 11 this morning when you guys finished cleaning it.  Leaving all my personal belongings open for all and sunder who have to walk past my room to get to theirs to investigate.  While I’m extremely grateful that nothing was taken I would just like to inform you that this is not on.

Yes, crime statistics in Namibia are much lower than what they are in SA.  But you know what? It doesn’t matter.  It’s a matter of principle.  You don’t just leave my things that I have entrusted into your care open for the whole world to look at.  You had no right.  And I’m sure your response would be…it was a mistake, we’re very sorry.  But you know what…if you want to run this kind of establishment you can not afford to make these types of mistakes.  It is completely and utterly unacceptable.  I think my annoyance became even greater when I was unable to locate your manager to complain about this.  According to you guys there is a manager on site 24 hours a day…yet, although I looked everywhere and I rang the bell I could not locate this so-called manager.

Please, you really need to sort this stuff out.  Other than that you run a really awesome little guesthouse.  But I’m not exactly happy at the moment.

Regards

Ruby

The view
The view from my own personal little patio at the guesthouse
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Dear Morningside MediClinic

Right now I am not a happy camper…as in not at all.  I can’t believe what you guys have done, it is shocking to say the least.  But let me back up and explain.

In December I came to your clinic one friday morning because my hand was in agony and because the growth that had steadily been growing there over a couple of months had reached alarming proportions.  The staff was absolutely fantastic.  I spent the day being sent from emergency to X-rays to sonars and back to x-rays and finally to a specialist, who booked me for surgery 4 days later.

When I was admitted to emergency that friday morning I paid the fee required of me based on the coloured rating I got.  I was quite happy to do this as I’m only on a hospital plan and a lot of things aren’t covered.  I didn’t hear from you again.  My bills for the actual surgery were mostly covered by the medical aid and the small amounts not covered by the medical aid were subsequently paid by me.  The whole thing was rather pleasant as far as hospital visits go.

Since then I haven’t had one single statement, e-mail, sms, phone call or any other form of communication from you.  Then my old office sent me a message stating that there were a number of letters that came in the post while I was in Namibia.  So, as I was home for 5 days before heading back to Namibia I popped past the office to pick them up.  Great was my surprise when there was an envelope marked ‘final demand’ from you guys.  The really ridiculous part was that I had been handed over to lawyers and they were now demanding money from me, but the amount being demanded was R0.00.  See Exhibit A:

 

Exhibit A

 

Initially I found it rather amusing.  So I scanned the document and e-mailed it to the person mentioned in the letter as a contact person, stating how ridiculous the whole thing is and explaining that this is the first time in almost 4 months they’ve contacted me and now they are demanding I pay them…well, nothing?  I didn’t hear anything back from this person, so after a couple of days I resent the e-mail again, just to make sure that I did my part.

Then today I receive a sms informing me that a summons has been issued in the Magistrate’s court for an amount of R114 (Please note this does not agree to the R0 amount stipulated in the first and ONLY letter i got) and that my name will be published in the official debtors Gazette which is used by credit managers.  It also states that I will be liable for all your legal fees.

Now excuse me….but in all the documentation I had to fill in when I was admitted to the emergency that day I had to fill my cell phone number and my e-mail address in on numerous occasions, so that you guys can get a hold of me.  I also specified that I would like to receive any statements/invoices from you guys via e-mail.  I remember this quite clearly in fact.  So why, for the love of apple pie, didn’t you guys e-mail, sms or call me to inform me that there was an amount outstanding?? And then, why do you send me a final demand letter telling me that this is a final demand for an amount of R0 and then I suddenly receive a sms (oh wait! so you guys CAN contact me on my cell phone, so why didn’t you do so before???) to tell me that I will now be served by the magistrates court for a different amount than shown in the final demand.

Don’t get me wrong. If I do, in fact, owe you R114, I am quite happy to pay it.  What I don’t understand is why you ignore me for almost 3 months.  You had a whole array of communication lines open to you and you didn’t use a single one.  And then suddenly you not only threaten me with legal action for owing absolutely nothing, you also want to blacklist me for an amount I never even knew I owed.

Trust me, this is NOT the last you’ve heard of me.  I’ve e-mailed the so-called contact person again, and I WILL come and give you guys a piece of my mind as soon as I’m back in Jozi.

Regards

Angry Ruby

Dear stranger in the night

Last night I wasn’t feeling all too well.  Actually, I’m still not feeling too great.  My throat and ears hurt and are swollen and i just feel tired and run down.  More than anything i wanted to have a relatively early night (in my books that means getting to bed before midnight).  So i took my meds and timed it right that i would be extremely sleepy no later than 11pm.

For once i fell asleep immediately! you have to understand…being an insomniac this rarely happens…even when taking medicine.  Generally I don’t switch my cell phone off at night.  The reason for this is that I’m always petrified that there would be an emergency or something would happen and someone might need me and then I won’t be available.  So my phone is always on.  Also, an sms notification doesn’t wake me, a phone call however does. It’s the perfect arrangement really.

Then last night at 12:45AM my phone started ringing….still being very much asleep i didn’t even bother looking at who was calling, i just answered, my heart beating a mile a minute.  I mean, why else would your phone ring at 12:45AM…something had to be wrong somewhere right? WRONG! It was you. The conversation that followed went something like this:
Sleepy Ruby : Hello?
Stranger : Hello.  Eish….Who are you?
Slightly more awake Ruby : What?
Stranger : Who am i talking to?
Slightly annoyed Ruby : Why would you ask that? You called the number…who the hell are you and who are you looking for????
Stranger : eh…I’m looking for you
Highly annoyed ruby : Bulldust! a second ago you didn’t even know who you were talking to.  Listen here idiot….it’s quarter to 1 in the MORNING! Who the hell calls people at that time? Stupid people…that’s who! Screw you dude!
*Ruby puts down the phone and switches it to silent mode*

Then this morning when i recalled the incident I wasn’t quite sure if i was dreaming or if it was real.  So I checked my phone.  Ohmigosh! 34 missed calls….34…I kid you NOT! From your number.  For one of them you actually left a voice mail…livid because i had called you stupid and asking me who the hell i thought i was for saying you’re stupid.  Dude! 12:45 AM and 34 missed calls later to a person you don’t even know…what the hell??

Needless to say I didn’t sleep very well.  Once i get awakened like that i really battle to fall asleep again, and even when i do it is broken and disturbed.  I was NOT a happy ruby this morning.

Next time i suggest you block your number if you want to do something like this.  I have your number, and I’m still contemplating putting it on twitter and begging all the world to give you random calls at all hours of the night.  34 missed calls *shakes head*  I suppose it takes all sorts to make up the world.

Ruby

Dear old schoolfriend

*sigh* I have no words…really.  I’ve been increasingly annoyed with the fact that i had to organize the reunion…but today you managed to step on my very last nerve.  To give you some background…the official reunion invite contained (very clearly in fact) the date, the time, the venue, the costs involved.

Then today i get a call from you…..the conversation went as follows:

Old Schoolfriend(OS): Hey Ruby! How are you?
Ruby: Oh hi Old Schoolfriend…I’m all good thanks, how’s you?
OS: I’m good…looking forward to Saturday and stuff.
Ruby: Ja, me too…It’s going to be really cool to see everyone again.
OS: About the reunion, I’d just like to check one or two things with you.
Ruby: Oh sure, no problem.  What’s up? (Please note…here my courage fails me…I’ve had a whole range of stupid questions the last couple of weeks…i was expecting another)
OS:  I’ve got the invite open on the computer and I just wanted to know if any of the arrangements changed?
Ruby:  Nope, everything stays exactly the same where arrangements are concerned.  The only thing that changed is the food…but you don’t have to worry about it.
OS: OK cool…so I’m wondering…what time is the reunion?
Ruby: *thinks….WHAT THE HELL…you’re looking at the invite* Do you have the invite in front of you?
OS: Yes
Ruby: What does it say?
OS: It says it’s three o’clock
Ruby: so which part of ‘none of the arrangements have changed’ didn’t you understand?
OS: So what are you telling me…it’s not at 3?
Ruby: *sighing audibly* it’s at 3.

Now do you understand why I’m convinced all the stupid people in the world are ganging up on me this week?

Ruby
xxxx

Dear residents of 119

Right…I get it.  You’re all young, you like to have fun and to party it up. So am I.  But there are limits.  You do NOT throw a huge ass party at your apartment in a complex on a MONDAY night that lasts until 5:30 in the morning.  You do NOT throw open all your doors and windows and make as much noise as you possibly can. 

You are selfish and rude and I’ve decided i don’t like you at all.  By 3am this morning i was close to tears.  I’m studying for one of the biggest exams I’ll ever write and last night i got hardly any sleep because of your party.  Now, if it had been a Friday or a Saturday night i would have been way more understanding…it’s weekend after all.

Please believe me when i say that if you decide to pull the same trick EVER again i will not think twice about calling the police, and as it is i shall be handing an official complaint to the body corporate.

Regards
GrumpyRuby

Dear landlord

Let me start off with telling you that I absolutely LOVE the place.  I feel at home and happy and complete there.  It’s ideally situated, safe and very much Rubylike:)

There is just one little thing that’s bothering me at the moment.  Let me start at the beginning.  When we signed the lease agreement, you insisted on a clause allowing you to come for inspections.  I was willing to allow this but only if the visits took place at a time that was convenient for me…as of course I’d never allow you an inspection if I was not at home.  What I didn’t realise at the time is that you have your own set of keys for the house. 

Now granted, many people have told me this is quite normal.  And I wasn’t too disturbed by it as the complex security is very strict and if you don’t have an access card the only way you can access the complex is by them calling a resident.  But when you came for your little inspection visit last week you had a hissy fit because they wouldn’t let you in without calling me first and then you insisted that I give you one of my access cards.  Oh hell no! This is where I put my foot down.  I’m the resident, I’m entitled to 2 access cards, if you want one, contact the maintenance people and find out if you’re entitled to one.

But this has led to another problem for me.  Why would you need an access card? Surely you don’t have any business being here unless I’m at home and opening for you?  Needless to say I’m feeling slightly paranoid.  The fact that on monday morning I couldn’t find a newly washed outfit that I KNOW I put into my cupboard on sunday afternoon did not help my paranoia.  I turned my whole house upside down in the last 3 days trying to find it and finally gave up.  Then yesterday when I was actually looking for something else I found it by accident.  Now I suppose it’s possible that i missed it.  But I can’t be sure, now can i?  Also, this morning when I woke up my bedroom door was closed and there was a glass of water next to my bed.  I never close my bedroom door, nor do I take water to my bedroom, unless I’m sick. To be honest….I do sleepwalk.  So its possible that I closed the door and placed the water there….but I can’t help feeling ever so slightly uncomfortable.

So, this coming weekend i’ll be replacing the lock on my door.  I’ll leave the security gate as is, but the lock on the door can easily be changed.  And then, when I move out i’ll just put the original lock back in.  You need never know.  The only way you’ll ever find out is if you try to enter my house without me being at home…which you’re not allowed to do in the first place.

Please understand that i’m not actually acusing you of something.  I like you.  I get along with you superbly and i plan on keeping it that way.  But I’m a girl who lives on her own.  I don’t know you well, and my first concern is keeping myself safe. And since i love the apartment so much, i’d hate to start feeling uncomfortable because of a stupid set of keys.

Regards
Ruby
xxxx

Dear *insert name of well known medium sized jozi auditing firm*

I am not impressed…in fact, I’m appalled and disgusted.  How can you call yourself an auditor and pretend like you’re all ethical and stuff? You are an utter disgrace to the profession.

But let me start at the beginning.  A couple of months ago a group of companies decided that they didn’t want you as their auditors anymore.  They had various reasons for this, the biggest of which was that they could never get hold of the partner assigned to them and the financial statements take months and months and months to prepare.  They chose us as their new auditors. 

By law, the previous auditors are required to sign off all files and give us all the secretarial and taxation files, as well as minutes and resolutions etc etc etc.  Let me  just say i can completely understand WHY the client wanted to move.  The engaging partner is an absolute nightmare to get hold of.  He NEVER returns calls, doesn’t reply to e-mails and is always in a meeting when you call.  It took me almost two months just to organize the transfer of the files….ridiculous!

Recently, we signed another new client, also one of your previous clients.  During the course of the audit we had checked opening balances and did the audit work as prescribed.  All the while finding that the previous year’s financials contained many many errors.  NOT only that, but the figures in the financial statements didn’t actually agree to the figures in the general ledger…as in not even remotely.  Instead of preparing the financials using the same software you use to perform the audit, you had the financials typed up manually, and you just changed figures as you pleased.  What the hell??? AND to top it all off the disclosure was not as per the reporting standards that we have to adhere to, but the audit report isn’t even qualified! The poor client has been paying loads of tax(which by right he didn’t owe) for the last couple years because of this…it’s fraud!  I’ve lost hours and hours of workable hours trying to fix your mess.

Granted…I did fix it and sort out all the issues.  But it saddens and infuriates me that there are companies like you that don’t give a damn about ethics and the fact that you bring our profession into disrepute.

FYI….we will be reporting you to the board, and we have informed the client of the extent of the problem…I’m guessing you might have a court case on your hands somewhere in the near future.

Regards
AngryRuby