Dear Doctor

Since I understand that you must be a very busy man I shall make this short and sweet. I suspect that I might have cracked/broken/smashed a teeny weeny little bone in my right foot. I say suspect since I’m no professional in the medical area, but have had plenty bones broken, ligaments torn, bones completely smashed etc, and therefore I think I’m entitled have an opinion on this.

I realise that you will probably tell me the same thing you tell every other unsuspecting patient be it over the phone or otherwise…”make an appointment and come and see me”. I have 2 problems with this.

First of all I am absolutely petrified of doctors. As in I get completely hysterical, I cry, I become a spoilt little child who likes throwing tantrums.This is a big problem. You’d think that after the 2 weeks in hospital and all follow up visits I’d have grown used to you people in white lab coats..but no…I’m still petrified.

The second problem is more of an ethical one. I have a problem with the fact that a doctor can charge me anything between R200 and R400 per visit of 10minutes max! jeepers! and I thought my charge out rate was ridiculous! It doesn’t cost you a cent to quickly glance at my foot, write a little note to the lady at the x-ray centre and send me on my merry way within 2 minutes…this of course after you made me wait for 40minutes…despite the fact that i pitched up on time for my appointment. I think, since I am paying you a small fortune, that you should at least have the decency to see me at the appointed time.

Maybe you can just e-mail me a little note which I can produce to the sweet little lady at the x-ray lab? that way I don’t have to see you and nurse a stomach ulcer due to the stress caused by this and you can save the 2 minutes you are going to spend talking to me…..lets say at a fee of around R50?

I’ll describe the foot to you. Its blue, slightly black, green, purple and very red around the point of impact. Extremely swollen, though I dare say I managed to get rid of the worst of that by applying some herbal stuffies. And it hurts like hell when there is any physical contact, when i have to walk…hell, actually it just hurts like hell all the time….have found that large amounts of alcohol works for a short while, but a more permanent solution would be nice.

I hope that you and I can come to some sort of arrangement in this regards

Regards

Ruby

Dear Treadmill

Yes yes I know…….treadmills are created for the sole purpose of running/walking as exercise, not to fall over. But it wasn’t entirely my fault and I’m pretty peeved at you at the moment.

On Saturday night we went over to a friends house for a braai.(The very same braai I invited gorgeous to) The idea was that I was supposed to look super cool, super gorgeous, in control and everything but clumsy and accident prone….which is something I tend to be every now and again. But you just had to go and spoil it all didn’t you????

For some odd reason you have been placed right in front of the door going out to the lapa…goodness knows why??? but this means that in order to get in or out you have to squash yourself between the door frame and you, dearest darling treadmill. Earlier in the evening you almost tripped me….quite by accident I suppose. But I can’t afford to go falling all over the place, so I asked you owner to either move you or to just fold the treading part up(the way you are supposed to be when not in use).

I was promised that the treadmill had been moved and that it is now safe for me to move in and out without fearing that you might cause my bodily harm. Like a fool I believed them! I was sitting outside with Gorgeous, having a drink and minding my own business when I suddenly remembered about the bread in the oven….damn! I made a mad dash for the kitchen…and lo and behold…whose still lying across the entrance….you!!! you lousy peace of torturing equipment!

Too late did I realise the trap you had set in the dark. I hit my foot against you with such force that I heard bone crack, the next moment i was sprawled all over you, trying my best not too cry and not sure whether the tears were from embarrassment or pain(trust me…it was the pain!!!). Lucky for me Gorgeous heard the commotion inside and like the true gentleman he is he came to my rescue. Plenty of ice, another drink and unexpected kiss made me feel a little better…until I realised my whole foot was blue…as in deep blue…on top and I had a lump the size of my foot on top of my foot!!!! I couldn’t put my shoe back on…sigh!

But your evil plan to make me appear like a complete idiot didn’t succeed you mean spirited devil machine! He just liked me so much more…since apparently he saw a side of me which didn’t appear 100% perfect and now he felt less intimidated by the fact that it seems as if I never do anything stupid or wrong(boy, if he only knew!)

Even though your evil plot failed I still have to live with the consequences of your evil doings:-( So I’ve been limping around my clients office, kicking off the shoes whenever I can, and feeling like a good cry every time I move my foot at all……starting to wonder if maybe I’ve broken a little bone in there????

In future…pls remember that your purpose is to help people get fit…..not to try and assassinate people or even just make them look like complete idiots…unless they are in a gym and using you to run…then you may.

Regards

Limping Ruby

Dear Readers(I guess)

Since this letters’ only purpose is to inform everyone that’s been nagging me about how my date went, it was rather difficult to place it in letter form. I did however, finally decide to just address it to all you readers….since it is really for you anyway;-)

Since I am a lady after all the information placed here will be very selective of nature. But I’m sure it will be enough to keep all you special people very happy and content.

The date was absolutely fabulous! Gorgeous was a perfect little gentleman, which impressed me quite a bit. You see, my dad has pretty much spoilt me for all men. My dad is an old school gentleman. He opens doors, he always goes around the car and opens the car door for both me and my mother, he’s forever holding my mommy’s hand, public affection is not a problem for him and he treats all women with an unbelievable amount of respect. And I think somewhere in my mind I find things like that very important. My folks are happily married after 31 years, and I think this had something to do with it.

OK, so back to my date. He picked me up, he opened car doors for me(I’ve never mentioned this), he pulled my chair out for me and he was polite, interesting and very very entertaining the whole evening. He was also very honest about his past(which i like) and about what he wants out of life and from the woman in his life. He’s 30, he doesn’t wanna waste his time with someone he considers to be a bad choice as a potential wife…….a bit scary…but considering that my mind is working the same way these days even though I’m only 25 and considering the very honest letter on Friday…he received the benefit of the doubt.

I had a fantastic time. He made me laugh, I found him intellectually stimulating……which is something I’ve found lacking in most of the guys I’ve dated in the last year except for one…..he was easy to talk to:-)

He was kinda upset that i wouldn’t let him come to Hartebeespoort with me the next day, but understood that it was a special thing that had been planned for weeks and was only for me and 2 of the lovely girls in my life. He picked up when i invited him to a braai at a friends house on Saturday night tho. I think he enjoyed it. I was a bit astounded at my nerve when I invited him to the braai, but decided that if my friends didn’t completely freak him out or send him running..he might actually be worth keeping around.

The braai went off well, the friends love him, he loves the friends……and yep, he didn’t run;-) sweet sweet boy! So I’m guessing everybody wants to know if we are now “romantically involved” or not…….well, no. I’m taking this one slow. I’m just letting myself get to know him in an environment I feel comfortable with, and surprisingly enough he is cool with that. That’s one of the first signs that a guy might be a keeper, he is willing to first be my friend and then the love of my life….i like him;-)

Am I in love? Do I feel all jittery when I see him? Do i have a tiny crush on him? The answer to all of the above is no. But don’t despair…it doesn’t mean I won’t be or i won’t have. I do not fall in love easily. I am not likely to have a crush on anybody and I certainly don’t become jittery around anyone…..at least not until I’ve fallen in love with them. It takes me a while. I don’t fall in love with strangers. I might think that they are awesome, gorgeous, interesting and entertaining. But I only fall in love once I’ve gotten to know the person and I know what they are all about……I take a while;-) I’m weird…apparently. But that’s OK too, that’s just who I am and I can’t help it. Personally I think that’s a whole lot safer than just falling head over heels in love with someone you hardly know.

I hope that you guys have received all the info you need….if not feel free to ask;-)

Regards

Ruby

PS – glug….I’m a lady and ladies don’t take pictures when they are not being good but good at something

PPS – shit babe……i certainly hope you are not reading this!

Dear Date

Oh my goodness! Aren’t you just the sweetest piece of eye candy I’ve had in a looooong time….and I’ve had plenty eyecandy in the last couple of months. Yesterday when you waltzed into my office and helped me with my little blog spot problem I just knew we were going places.

After staying in my office way longer than needed or originally intended, popping in twice during the day just to make sure I was “OK” and being caught out discussing the “pretty little auditor”with the production manager, you finally plucked up enough courage to just ask me out for drinks. sweet sweet boy;-)

So tonight we will be going to some crazy cocktail bar to have a few drinks and to get to know each other better. But before we get going….there are a couple of things that you need to know about me. They are things that I’ve discovered about myself which sometimes irritate the crap out of people…but mostly they are the very reason my friends love me. So here goes nothing.

Firstly and most importantly I suppose I can be full of crap. Or maybe I should rather just state that I know what I want and under no circumstances am I prepared to settle for second best. Why should I? Actually, nobody likes settling for second best, I’m just very outspoken about it, if that makes me full of crap, that’s your problem.

I am a woman who lives my career and is extremely driven and passionate about what she does. A lot of guys are quite freaked out by this…lets hope you’re not one of them:-) I have a mind of my own, I’m extremely independent and i have a strong personality. A lot of men find this intimidating, which usually means that I end up being in charge of the relationship….I really hope that you’ll be able to handle me. As I’ve said before, I think the day that I actually meet Mr Right, I’ll be as submissive as a little lamb…but I’m still waiting for a guy that can handle that side of me.

When I really like someone I tend to tease and jest a lot. Sometimes people mistake that as I don’t like you or I think you’re stupid…pls do not make that mistake. I’m extremely talkative, but I can be a good listener when the situation calls for that. I pretty much function in my own little universe most of the time. I only venture down to earth to talk to individuals who appear intelligent, stimulating and entertaining. If that makes me a snob I’m sorry, but I’m bored easily and therefore don’t waste my time with people I know I won’t find interesting.

I think that is pretty much that. I would, however, like to set your mind at ease over most of these. The fact that I’ve already spoken to you, teased you, didn’t get angry at the fact that you were discussing me with other people and agreed to have drinks with you tonight, already conquers most of the issues mentioned above. So I don’t think you have too much to worry about.

OK, I’m off to go and think of what I’m wearing tonight. After all, I have to look absolutely stunning! It’s only fair, you had to put yourself out there and ask me out…..now I’ll repay you for the risk you took

Regards

Ruby

Dear Santa (2)

Santa darling, i know I already sent my list to you earlier this week, but this isn’t an add on, I’ll stick to my original 10:-) I would just like to give you some advise?

I have found the lounge suite i want! so if you could just give me a ring when you have a second I’ll direct you to the right company and the right suite in the right colours. I totally fell in love with this suite. Its GORGEOUS! And no, i didn’t hit the Caps lock button by accident, it’s meant to be in Capitals.

so be an absolute darling and give me a ring OK? Oh alright, maybe I do have one thing to add to my little list from the other day…but it’s totally selfless and I don’t think you will have a problem with ethics here. So here comes nr 11: Please please could you find a new set of kidneys for My Boy??? I have a feeling he’s really gonna need it! And when you deliver it, please make sure that you kick his ass on the way out for being such a complete bastard at times.

Love

Ruby