Happy birthday sweetheart!!! I hope you have a fantastical day, and that the year ahead will be filled with joy, love and happiness. I pray that God will continue to keep you safe and that you will be blessed beyond belief.

The change in you over the last 18months has been remarkable. For the first time in years we actually get along, you don’t hate my guts and you’re not trying to ruin my life:) Our relationship has always been a rocky one, and the only reason i ever saw or spoke to you was because we were family…i didn’t have a choice. C’mon kids, go play nicely together. Oh how i hated those words when we were kids.

We were always fighting. Even though i was older, you were much larger. You bullied me mercilesly, slapping me around, poking me full of bleeding holes with pins and other sharp objects, yelling, screaming and generally abusing me.

You were the black sheep of the family. The one that nobody could stand, the one that made everybody sigh inside when it was announced that you guys were coming for a visit. You involved yourself in witchcraft, drugs and alcohol at a very early age. Causing you parents to worry and the problem with the family to become even bigger.

As i became older, it became easier to avoid you. I was away at uni, and missed a lot of the family gathering, and when i had to attend i was accepted as an adult and engaged in conversation with the various aunts and uncles.

But your dark presence increased and multiplied as the years went along. You were the unspoken family problem. The one everybody avoided talking about….the forbidden topic.

But your wild lifestyle finlly caught up with you and you landed up in a Christian rehabilitation centre after you overdosed on heroine. You spent 6 months in isolation. No family, no friends, only the staff at the centre and God. And a miracle happened. The sweetest girl emerged. Friendly, caring, loving, smiling and loving life.

I have to admit that at first i was your biggest sceptic. Not believing that you’ve changed. I don’t think anybody blamed me, considering all the things you had done to ruin my life. But today I stand absolutely amazed! you’ve made it:) You’ve been clean for over year. No drugs, no alcohol, no nothing. I think what impressed me most of all was your willingness to ask forgiveness, to try and build up what you had broken down over the years with your abuse and hatred.

I’m so incredibly proud of you that it almost hurts:) I’m so grateful for the rebuilding of a relationship and the newfound love for a cousin.

So, happy birthday cuz! Keep your chin up sweety, no matter what happens…..you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, you’ve done that already, and you’ve passed with flying colours!

Love

Ruby

Thank you so much for an amazing experience on Saturday! It was my little cousins 12th birthday at the end of May. And as per our little tradition we decided to go do something fun together. I started this little tradition about 2 years ago with my 3 cousins living in Joburg. All three of them are younger than me and have become like my little sisters. So instead of giving them a gift on their birthday i take them on a fun outing.

So we’ve had everything from a cocktail evening, visits to the zoo, horse riding, visiting a bunch of art galleries to picnics in odd places, depending on the age of the cousin involved. After carefully considering my options, i decided to take my little cuz to your park.

We had a wonderful time!!! we played with the white lion and jaguar cubs, discovered that a lion cub of about 3-4 months has a paw bigger than my hand, took thousands of pictures of the animals we encountered on our drives and we had the privilege of being able to record the feeding of the white lions, wild dogs and the cheetahs.

We arrived home at tired, satisfied and highly entertained. I would like to commend you on a well taken care of reserve, excellent animal conditions and friendly faces we encountered everywhere. You’ve once again made my little cousins think that I’m the most wonderful cousin they could ever have asked for:)

Here are a few of my favourite shots:
A white lion cub
Playing with the Jaguar cubs
Young tiger at play
Cheetah on his way to feed
Unbelievably enough a cub of between 3-4 months’ paw is as big as my hand!

we saw buffalo!!! one of the shyest animals ever…and the thing was right next to my car too!!! this picture was taken from my car without any zoom!!!!!

Thank you so much for an amazing experience….I’ll definitely be coming again!

Regards

Ruby

P.S. Thanx to me terrivle half for the idea:)

I think today’s entry should be titled “Goodbye Jack, hello friend”, or something like that anyway. I’ve been struggling with something the last couple of days. Pretty much all on my own, not wanting to say it out loud in case it might just become true. But after mulling it over in my own mind until it drove me a little insane, i finnaly managed to chat to 2 of my chums…….and predictably they weren’t pleased about the situation, but the sympathy and cyber hugs i received was enough to make me sit down, face up, build a *bridge and get over it.

I suspect the undefinable “relationship” between my darling Jack and I are shifting gears. No longer is it the relationships of 2 sweethearts but rather a solid friendship, which found it’s foundation in romance. Perhaps that is slightly odd, but i’ve come to realise that i’d rather have him as a friend than not have him as part of my life.

The odd thing is that neither of us did anything wrong or even said anything to that effect…..it just changed. I think on some level we’re still crazy about each other….oh all right….I’m still crazy about him, but I’ve also realised that despite the fact that i’ve had my head solidly turned for a while, he is not MY Prince Charming. He’s definitely a prince charming and a fabulous guy….but i’ve come to accept that perhaps our relationship is not meant to be.

As I’m writing this I realise that there is a distinct possibility that I could be over reacting. Using this overthinking, over analytical brain of mine to construct a little situation that doesn’t really excist simply because I’m, well, thinking about it too much. So I guess the two of us will definitely have to have a little talk, and soon. This little gem needs some closure to put her overthinking little mind at ease.

The really funny thing is that I’m not upset about this at all. I thought i’d feel really sad and a little broken hearted, coming to the conclusion that it’s all over romantically, but I’m not. And at present i’m trying really hard not to overthink my lack of upsetness.

After scaning through some of my diary entries in the last couple of years I came to a conclusion. (bridgy, this one is for you) I definitely haven’t met MY Prince Charming yet. I’ve met plenty of guys who impersonate my prince charming, which tends to confuse me for a while, but I’ve never met My Prince Charming.

Anywhoo little booklet…….I feel good;) I’ve faced my fear with regards to Jack and I came out alive at the other end. I think I can safely say that regardless of how this pans out, i’ll be OK. I’ve accepted worst case scenario….so if I end up being wrong…..man am I gonna be excited!

Love

Ruby

P.S. – *Once again not refering to Bridget here!

I’m writing this amid a violent storm of tears and a runny nose. I’m scared, and upset and worried all at the same time.

You’ve been sick for 2 weeks now. You’ve been to the doctor quite a few times, and every single time they’ve changed your medicine, but you just keep getting worse. I don’t know quite how sick you were, because all I had to go by was the reports i got over the phone from you and mom…watered down of course, not to get your precious little princess worried and upset.

But this morning you you phoned me at 9. A weird time for you to phone, since you only bother me at work when there is some kind of an emergency. You said you had bad news. You guys were leaving home to drive the 500km’s to Pretoria………you had to book into the hospital by lunchtime. I tried my very best not to burst into tears. I’m trying to be strong for you daddy.

When you woke up this morning you felt so bad that you finally resorted in going back to the doctor for the umpteenth time. He got really worried and phoned the respiratory specialist in Pretoria…..he commanded you to be booked into his hospital by lunch. Nobody knows what’s wrong, but you’re only getting sicker, not better.

I know you’re trying to be strong for mom’s sake, for my sake, for my brother and sister-in-law who arrived from the states yesterday. But it’s OK to be scared…..I am. It was so good picking the family up at the airport and seeing the two lovebirds after more than i year. I missed them more than i thought was possible and had to wipe a tear or two when they appeared. I had to deliver the bad news to them this morning…..i almost burst into tears talking to my bro. We were on our way to you guys tomorrow…now goodness knows what’s going on.

I’ll see mom tonight, and I’ll try and come to the hospital tomorrow. Jack* has been an absolute sweetheart and phoned me the second he could. Worried about you but mostly worried about me. I cried about it for the first time. Telling him how scared and upset he was. He understood, he calmed me down and after hearing his voice for two seconds i felt better. I felt safe. And i knew it was OK to be vulnerable…..someone is there to take care of me.

I pray to God that you’ll be OK, and that they’ll be able to find out what’s wrong. You’ll always be my daddy dearest. I love you papa!

Your little princess

Ruby

*Shortened version of Hijacker:)