A little something about change

In the last 6 months my life has gone from looking something like this:

fountainsto something that roughly resembles this:

weird fountain

In essence it’s the same picture…indicating that it’s still me (thank goodness) and certain key areas are still the same..i.e. it still involves a lot of water..but the picture is brighter and completely different.

When I decided to write this post I decided to make a list of all the things that have changed:
– I passed my masters degree and was no longer a student
– I quit my job (without having a new job lined up)
– I found a new job, a dream job really
– I became self-employed and started working as a consultant…good bye monthly salary, but hello being my own boss, determining my own hours
– I moved my blog to my own domain (yay me)
– I kicked off my new job by spending the first two months in a different country
– I took the leap and cut certain people out of my life.  This one was pretty hard.  But at some point you have to realise that certain people are bad for you.
You have to get to a point where you decide it’s NOT ok to be emotionally abused, insulted and unappreciated.
– I became more forgiving of the people around me
– I joined a gym AND I’m actually gyming regularly
– I finally gave up on my bohemian way of living and exchanged my bean bags for the most beautiful couches (How very grown up of me)

Point is, I’ve decided that this is my year.  I’m taking leaps of faith, making changes and doing all kinds of things.  Yes, the new picture of me is different from the one I had before, but in truth it’s still exactly the same, the elements are just meshed together differently.  And to celebrate all of this I decided my little blog deserved an overhaul too.  And while I adored its previous look, and while the blog will always consist of mostly letters..it was time for a change:)

Let me know what you think, but know that I for one really love the new look…it’s so very..well…ME:)

Oh…and a HUGE thank you to my much-loved and adored boy best friend who helped a lot with this…actually to be honest he did most of the work.  Thanx you:)

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Dear ghost of weekend past

Wow…you really snuck up on all of us, and then proceeded to leave us with our heads spinning.  You were in and out so fast I barely had time to enjoy your stay *sulk*.

I’ve been relatively unsocial this weekend to be honest.  I just haven’t been up to it, for various reasons.  But I did get a lot done and I suppose that’s what weekends are for.  I even managed to spend quite a bit of time just relaxing and being lazy…this made me happy:)

Friday evening and the whole of saturday was spent at home.  I was tired, stressed and in desperate need of some me time.  It’s been a rough week work wise, and in between everything else I’ve been trying to sort out things that need to be done before i leave in 2 weeks. EEEEEEEEK!!!! *insert mini super excited super stressed freak out here*.  Also, someone who is really close to me has been in hospital the entire week.  Being worried about someone important really does drain you…emotionally and otherwise.  He’s doing alright and showing great improvement, but he’s still in hospital, and to be honest, until he’s home safe my worry levels will remain high.  It’s just the way I am.

Today didn’t go quite as planned, but it ended up being a really fun day:)  I went shopping for the new laptop.  You know, just comparing specs and prices and measuring up what I really want against what I really need.  It’s quite a labour intensive process I assure you.  But by the end of the week I need to make a decision and I won’t be happy with my choice unless I KNOW I did all my homework.

Laptopshopping was supposed to followed by a late lunch with a couple of friends, but due to unforeseen circumstances this was cancelled at the VERY last-minute.  Which allowed me to attend the GirlGuides event.  Much fun was had with the girls where conversation circled around gadgets, little bits of admin, new jobs, gadgets, boys, reviews, gadgets and more gadgets.  Altogether a really fun day:)

Sadly my sunday evening is filled with work.  We’re starting a brand new client tomorrow and there is a lot of planning and documentation involved with starting a new electronic file.  My last bit of overtime for the new job I guess:)

So weekend, please tell the week ahead that I hope to have a good one.  It’s going to be an emotional one I’m sure.  It’s my last week at my present employer.  I’ve been there for 6 years…that is a LOT of memories and a lot of blood, sweat, tears and happy times.  Please let my friend improve swiftly, please let the fact that I have to trek to Pretoria every day this week not affect my mood, please let me find the laptop I want..and most of all..please fill my week with happiness, laughter and moments shared with the people I care about.

Love

Ruby

xxxxxxx

A little something about awesome things and big changes

So as you can see….this is not a letter.  I didn’t want to loop it into the ‘Dear Readers’ category and to be honest this is just too big and too exciting to limit it to a letter…so it’s a normal post…about extraordinary things:)

Right, as you all know I’ve been stressing about my whole job situation.  The truth of the matter is….my contract at my current place of work runs out at the end of this month.  And, as much as they wanted to renew it, and as much as I love working here and as much as I love my job….I was getting bored.  I needed a new challenge AND I wanted to move into the direction in which I did my masters degree in…Forensic accounting.  So without securing another job first I informed my boss, no uncertain terms, that I wouldn’t be renewing my contract.  They’re sad to see me go and I think they’re going to suffer a bit in the first few months..but my boss is happy for me.  We have an amazing relationship and he’s cheering me on from the sidelines at the moment…willing me to succeeded.  For this I’m eternally grateful.

Needless to say, the last few weeks have been stressful.  After 28 February I won’t have a job and thanks to all my medical emergencies at the end of last year my ‘buffer money’, although still present, wasn’t quite as much as I would have liked it to be in case I didn’t have a job come 1 March.  I was getting annoyed with myself for stressing so much.  God has always provided for me…and this would be no different..but stressing is a human trait..it’s something we all do.

I’ve been applying, calling, sending out CV’s, looking up old contacts and doing everything in my power to get a job.  I had a couple of interviews lined up…but I guess I will phone them and cancel.  That’s right…I got a job:) *whoooot* .  Well, technically I didn’t get a job…I’ll be a consultant…so for all practical reasons I’m self-employed and charging myself out at an hourly rate.  I have been given the opportunity of a lifetime..and I’m grabbing hold of it with both hands.  I’ll be working on the most interesting and often ‘top secret’ forensic jobs with one of the biggest names in the forensic accounting profession in the next couple of months.  He’ll be showing me the ropes…what more can I possibly ask for?

I’ve been weighing up all the pros and cons for days now…and no matter how I look at it the pros of doing this far outweighs the cons.  The biggest con of course being not having a guaranteed income at the end of every month.  That’s what saving and budgeting and planning is for…who better than a financial advisor to sort that out????

The opportunity came completely out of the blue, from a direction that I wasn’t really pursuing. And i suspect that’s what makes it even more exciting for me.  This opportunity just kind of showed up.

I’m overwhelmed and incredibly excited and scared to death.  Astronomical changes are about to happen in my life…and as scared as I am…I can’t wait:)  I’ll be travelling a LOT in the next couple of months and I’m afraid Jozi won’t be seeing much of me.  But it’s only for a few months at a time and the work experience and the reputation I’ll be gaining from this will make it totally worth it.

The one thing that is catching me a little is the fact that I’ll be far removed from my social circle.  I’ll see them every now and again….but not nearly as often as I do now.  I’m going to miss my best friend.  This person forms such an integral part of me…the distance and not being able to see each other often is going to be really tough. Although from experience I know that the bond we share is not governed by human borders and perceptions of distance.

I’m scared because I’m moving from what I know (spending 6 years at the same company and knowing all my clients and really knowing my shizz with regards to the work) and leaving my comfort zone far behind me.  But excited because I’m entering a new phase of my life.  Starting a new challenge.  Excited because I’ll be my own boss.  I’ll be able to do my planned 3 week trip to Europe because I won’t have to try to fight for leave.  Excited because this is what I wanted and I’m given the opportunity to do it…not just by anyone…by one of the big dudes in the industry.  I feel so incredibly blessed right now:)

The next 2 weeks is going to be absolutely crazy! Buying a laptop, securing work visas, working on my packing techniques (I’ll be flying out every 2 weeks for 2 weeks to begin with), setting up different accounts for my ‘consulting business’, etc etc etc…the list is endless.  Can anyone say Ruby running around like a headless chicken???  I’m counting on the fact that the ‘go go super Ruby’ function will work properly:P

In other news…my couches finally came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does massive happy dance* I spent the weekend doing curtain shopping and rearranging the lounge until I found something I was happy with (I had to giggle at the fact that the arrangement I liked the most was the one suggested by the best friend).  Finally my lounge looks like it belongs to a grown up…who would have thought THAT could ever happen:P

Oh….and happy valentines day everyone! *hugs and kisses all around*

Dear Paul…I still remember

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been over a year already.  I haven’t thought of that day in quite a while.  Sure, I often think of you…sometimes i forget you are no longer with us and think I should call you, and then I realise I can’t.  That realisation always comes hard and fast and without any mercy.  But it’s been a very long time since I’ve allowed myself to think of that day.

I had a really crappy day today.  You know, one of those days where you really just want to curl into a little ball and cry and hit something until you feel better? Then while I was sitting in front of the television, not really paying attention to what was on, they showed a shot of a guy getting hung. That sight made all those memories flood back.  It was like being stabbed in the guts all over again.

I haven’t allowed myself to think of that sight in a very long time.  Haven’t allowed myself to wander too far and investigate too much how I dealt with the trauma of having to cut down the body of my friend that committed suicide.  But seeing that today…it reminded me.  To be honest it made me feel like I was going to throw up….I remembered the smell, the sight, your mother’s crying in the background *shudders*.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve dealt with this a long time ago…I’ve just chosen NOT to dwell on it.  To focus on the happy memories I have of you.  The sight of you hanging there…that’s definitely NOT how I want to remember you.  And until now I’ve been succesful in ignoring it.  Is it the wisest course of action…I don’t know.  All i know is that this makes me cope with it.

I miss you my friend, and I wish you were still around.

Love

Ruby
xxxxx