Yes yes I know…….treadmills are created for the sole purpose of running/walking as exercise, not to fall over. But it wasn’t entirely my fault and I’m pretty peeved at you at the moment.

On Saturday night we went over to a friends house for a braai.(The very same braai I invited gorgeous to) The idea was that I was supposed to look super cool, super gorgeous, in control and everything but clumsy and accident prone….which is something I tend to be every now and again. But you just had to go and spoil it all didn’t you????

For some odd reason you have been placed right in front of the door going out to the lapa…goodness knows why??? but this means that in order to get in or out you have to squash yourself between the door frame and you, dearest darling treadmill. Earlier in the evening you almost tripped me….quite by accident I suppose. But I can’t afford to go falling all over the place, so I asked you owner to either move you or to just fold the treading part up(the way you are supposed to be when not in use).

I was promised that the treadmill had been moved and that it is now safe for me to move in and out without fearing that you might cause my bodily harm. Like a fool I believed them! I was sitting outside with Gorgeous, having a drink and minding my own business when I suddenly remembered about the bread in the oven….damn! I made a mad dash for the kitchen…and lo and behold…whose still lying across the entrance….you!!! you lousy peace of torturing equipment!

Too late did I realise the trap you had set in the dark. I hit my foot against you with such force that I heard bone crack, the next moment i was sprawled all over you, trying my best not too cry and not sure whether the tears were from embarrassment or pain(trust me…it was the pain!!!). Lucky for me Gorgeous heard the commotion inside and like the true gentleman he is he came to my rescue. Plenty of ice, another drink and unexpected kiss made me feel a little better…until I realised my whole foot was blue…as in deep blue…on top and I had a lump the size of my foot on top of my foot!!!! I couldn’t put my shoe back on…sigh!

But your evil plan to make me appear like a complete idiot didn’t succeed you mean spirited devil machine! He just liked me so much more…since apparently he saw a side of me which didn’t appear 100% perfect and now he felt less intimidated by the fact that it seems as if I never do anything stupid or wrong(boy, if he only knew!)

Even though your evil plot failed I still have to live with the consequences of your evil doings:-( So I’ve been limping around my clients office, kicking off the shoes whenever I can, and feeling like a good cry every time I move my foot at all……starting to wonder if maybe I’ve broken a little bone in there????

In future…pls remember that your purpose is to help people get fit…..not to try and assassinate people or even just make them look like complete idiots…unless they are in a gym and using you to run…then you may.

Regards

Limping Ruby

Seriously dude…its been 2 freakin years! i think its time the consequences of you insanity stops haunting me…..but then again,I’ve been told that’s wishful thinking. Whether I want to or not I’m going to have to remember you for ever and ever, or at least until I die anyway.

I think I’ve come through the worst of the trauma associated with the accident. And I’ve healed up pretty well, Thank God! But every day I am reminded of that fateful night….the night you decided to drink to much and chase around the suburbs at a 160km/h…..who the hell gave you the right you bastard!

Predictably enough you weren’t injured…isn’t that just sooo typical. I on the other hand was rushed to hospital. I had to phone the parentals all the way in Natal at 12 o’clock at night, I had 3 emergency operations, I was in hospital for two weeks, bedridden for 2 months, my car was wrecked, I am now officially a woman of steel and I, who have never in her life had headaches, now get them on an almost daily basis.

I have to admit, I healed up just fine;-) I was blessed enough not to have any scars except for the tiny ones on my leg and hand where the operations were, I walk normally, I look normal, i do all the normal things, all in all I am pretty much normal. But the steel plate an screws in my leg will forever hurt when the weather changes and will set off every single metal detector I have to pass through. And it will also cause the American embassy to think I am a terrorist, by the way! The damage done to my neck was more severe than initially thought. Granted, I am grateful that I didn’t break my neck…but at times the headaches are unbearable and I have become a real little pill popper when it gets really bad.

I’m still upset at the cops for merely sitting in their car. Their only only question to me was..”did someone die?” WTF????????From the stretcher I yelled a loud and unmistakable “NO”. And that was that…they left. No breathalyzer for you, who was so drunk that none of us could understand a single bloody word you were saying.

The very thought of you causes tension in my body and I become all nauseated. But in some arb way I am grateful. I am glad that I am still alive(although you had nothing to do with that!) But these days I’m a way more alert driver, I am more grateful for all the little things I have and thanks to you I now drive a gorgeous little car…which is now 2 years old, but brand new when I got it after the 2 months of lying in bed. If the old one didn’t end its life so dramatically I would probably have driven it for years….old as it might have been…it was my first car, my baby…gosh, we had so many memories the two of us;-)

I have no idea what happened to you after the last time you phoned me while I was in hospital. As I was in a drug induced state I do not recall much of the conversations apart from me crying and screaming at you to leave me the hell alone…you’ve done enough to ruin my life……..or something like that anyway.

I hope that these days you are a more responsible driver. I hope that somewhere along the line you had made peace with yourself, as i do remember you being riled with self reproach and loathing after you got the news of my injuries. I sincerely hoped that you have learned from you mistake. I think the real reason for this letter is just to tell you that I am OK. Actually, I’m better than OK…I’m great. And I forgive you for everything that has happened to me…I really do.

Regards

Ruby

Hey Crazy Ho!!

So its that time again hey? The time where the bug bites and you decide to head off again? I should be used to it by now, and in many ways I am…but i still miss you when you’re gone….and i always wait in great anticipation on your return.

I am so sorry that you didn’t get your visa:-( I was so sure you would! But maybe it’s a sign. Maybe the US and private yachts just weren’t the way to go. Maybe, just maybe, there is something way better out there for you. Just waiting for you to stumble across it. I know you’ll find it:-) you’re already looking, searching, hunting for it. Its exciting to watch;-)

Sometimes i wish that i could go with you on all these trips. All the adventures and all the nightmares that come with it. But my life is different from yours. My career took a whole different road. But please know that I am always here for you.

These days when i sit back and think about when we met, i laugh with tears running down my face. Who could have imagined?? Where would you find a pair more different and yet so alike? I’ve tried to think about the exact moment when we became best friends….two strangers thrown together in an adventure. After much thought i came down to one single moment in time not long after we met. It was the night we were finally initiated into the clan. After being painted, deep heated, bathed in foul smelling, rotten fish infested dam water we had to rush to our room to get all dressed up in the most tapped way imaginable. No bathing/showering allowed. We didn’t want to get our room all dirtied by our smelly clothes and bodies….so what did we do? I’ll never forget the image of the 2 of us standing in our door butt naked, wet, freezing, smelling awful but laughing at each other. That is the moment when we cemented our friendship. And what an awesome friendship it has become. An odd pair we might be(Chartered Accountant + Graphic Designer = Chaos)

We have seen each other at our worst…and nothing you could possibly do would surprise me anymore. You have become like the sister i never had. You understand me, my silly sense of humour and of course the fact that i have a few weirdeties. You have never judged me. You have never tried to lead me anywhere, but rather stand next to me holding my hand, running through unknown territory with me. Ever willing to fall as long as I fall along with you.

Our chamber song is known by all who know and love us. And sometimes, just sometimes i wince when i think of the two of us dancing on bars singing it over karaoke mics…..but mostly it just makes me laugh.
“I’m young and I’m hopeless
I’m lost and I know this
Going nowhere fast that’s what they say
I’m troublesome I’m fallen
I’m angry at my father
Its me against this world and I don’t care!”

I’d like to think that somewhere along the 7 years we have becoming slightly less hopeless, and that we are no longer going nowhere fast and that you at least are no longer angry at your dad. I never was, but the chamber song only worked if both of us were singing….so i just smiled and shouted along with you;-)

And do you remember our pathetic attempt at a Chamber cheer??? They weren’t very impressed with us, but we collapsed in mirth. Ignored orders to “Stop laughing” and of course had to carry the consequences of our “senseless” act…At least it was worth it. I can’t remember when last I had laughed that hard!

I wish you luck on your latest adventure. And i hope that you will be returning safely in due time so we can fulfill all those dreams we had about growing old together. Come back in one piece OK?

Love

Chamber Ruby