Dear Readers

I realise I’ve been awfully quiet of late, and that all the little letters you have been able to get your eyes on have been kind of short and not really up to my normal standard. I’ve been busy….busy with work, with my masters, with friends, with issues, with life in general really:)

I have however been working on this little letter for a couple of days. It isn’t often that I write a post that contains a lot of “bare all” from me. Yes, I show emotion, and love and sadness and anger and all the rest, but more often than not, you’ll notice that I’m kinda sketchy when it comes to the mind and heart of me. I don’t like opening myself up, being vulnerable and admitting weakness, and therefore it doesn’t happen very often. But here, in this letter, is a little piece of me, Ruby, in her raw and unedited form…..enjoy!

After 27 years, I’m of the opinion that I know myself pretty well….by the time I’m 35 I’ll probably look back on this letter and marvel at my silliness for even beginning to think i know myself…but right now, as it stands…this is what I’ve learnt.

I HATE admitting that I’m wrong. In fact, if I’ve ever admitted to being wrong about anything serious and you were the recipient of such an admission…consider yourself lucky. I rarely get involved in a discussion if I’m not quite sure of my story because of this reason….so usually i don’t have to admit that I’m wrong. But I’ve done and said some pretty screwed up things in my life. Don’t get me wrong…if I’m wrong and i KNOW it, I will admit to this fact and apologize….but it’s not something that comes to me easily.

As far as relationships or impending relationships go…I shouldn’t have too much time to think. I’ve learned that mostly I should be caught off guard. Not completely, but a little. If I’m allowed too much thinking time between realising that a dude is into me and the time where something actually happens between us, I will more than likely come up with a million reasons why it would never work and I’ll end up neatly avoiding any romantic involvement. Yes….I am an over thinker….but i tend to be even worse than most people.

As much as i am confident and feisty and a little fighter who works hard for all she’s got and who is ready to take on the world on her own for what she truly wants and for what she truly believes in….at the end of the day I’m just a little girl at heart.

The thing that really rips the carpet from underneath my feet is disappointment. I hate disappointing the people i love and even more than that i hate disappointing myself. Anger and frustration and sadness I can cope with without missing a beat…disappointment…gets me every time.

I can’t stand injustice, half truths and lies. I always feel the need to point it out and fix it.

I suck at being angry for longer than a couple of minutes and for the life of me i can’t hold grudges. I’m generally a pretty upbeat person, and being angry and moody turns me into a difficult and unhappy person…this irritates me, so anger and moodiness flies out the window pretty quickly.

The one thing i post even less about than my inner “me-ness” is my faith. Not because I’m ashamed or not passionate, it’s simply because I don’t believe in bombarding people with what I believe. But this letter would be incomplete without mentioning it. Despite being an extremely rational and realistic and scientific person I can not deny that I believe in God. That my faith in Him is the one thing that makes me who I am. It keeps me sane and positive and excited about life. There is just too much in my life that is completely unexplainable and too marvelous to explain in any other way.

Maybe writing this has opened me up to negative comments and future hurts…who knows. All I know is that at the end of the day…this is me. Granted, there is a lot more to the inner “me-ness” than what I’ve written in this letter, but this is definitely a part of it.

Love

Ruby
xxxxx

P.S. Now be nice!

Dear Drunk driver

Yesterday marked the 4 year anniversary or that dreadful night. The night you chose to do something irresponsible, the night that for a while I was convinced had ruined my life, the night that changed my life and me forever.

Now, 4 years down the line I can look back and see all the good things that came from it. I walked away from that accident a stronger person. More aware of how much the people around me cared for me. How incredibly blessed I am. And definitely a person who spends less time over thinking things, choosing rather to LIVE!

I wrote all of my feelings and all the details with regards to that accident 2 years ago here, and today i really can look back and say that so much have changed. No longer do i feel anger or resentment. I think, finally after 4 years, i have fully forgiven you. And I’m moving on completely.

I suppose I’ll always remember 28 September. It was afterall a life changing experience for me….but maybe now I won’t remember it with sadness and anger. But rather with celebration and thanksgiving.

Regards

Ruby

Dear Ruby

So, thanks to inspiration from Sleepyjane, I’ve decided to write this letter. You my dear ruby are in desperate need of a good talking to, and i plan to give it to you, without any sugar coating this time. So listen up!

1. Yes, you acted like a complete idiot. Shit happens, so get over it OK? You’ve been blessed with a mouth and fingers that blurt out whatever is on your mind before you have the chance to think about it and realise it’s a bad idea. You should be used to it by now…..accept it and embrace it…it’s part of your charm:P

2. Stop being so hard on yourself. You tend to be overly forgiving when it comes to other people, but ride yourself into the ground over even the slightest misstep from your side. You are not perfect, and therefore you can not always do the right thing. Admit the mistake and move on.

3. Your slaves are idiots….Stop being so disappointed and surprised whenever they make a mess of things. This has become the norm rather than the exception and is not a reflection on you. Your boss knows this.

4. Pepper spray is meant for criminals. Not for self mutilation. Once can be excused….twice just makes you a chop!

5. You need to start eating like a normal human being. It is not acceptable to not eat for 48 hours…regardless of whether you’re hungry or not. Eat at least twice a day from now on.

6. You need to stop complaining so much. You are blessed with a life that mostly resembles a fairy tale…you need to remember this more often.

7. Working and studying full time is tough. You can not have the same social schedule you had before. You’re going to need to scale down and be more picky about where you go, who you go with and what you do. Try and choose your social events in such a way that you get to see the maximum amount of people…and if there are people who refuse to understand that you can not just leave everything to see them the way you used to, well, then maybe they are not worth leaving everything to go and see to begin with. True friends will have sympathy for your situation, they will also be aware of the fact that if it was an emergency, no amount of work would ever be able to keep you away.

8. And last but certainly not least. It might be advisable to get at least 2 hours of sleep each night. Now i realise it’s not your fault you have insomnia, and that currently your insomniac ways is probably a blessing…but you can only go on for so long with no sleep…it’s going to get you eventually…honest!

Love

Ruby
xxxxx

Dear Metrocops

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

On Friday night, while i was on my way home from watching District 9…..awesome movie btw, you guys should totally go watch it if you haven’t seen it yet…..the unthinkable happened. There I was, driving along happily in my little baby, listening to Nickle Creek when suddenly this black car, came speeding from behind, overtook me, cut me off and forced me to a standstill. Then, within seconds 2 metro police vehicles came to a screeching halt behind my now stationary car.

I was feeling pretty confused until the first shots rang out. Those idiots were firing at you guys and i was right in the middle of it all. After what felt like an eternity and a million shots, more metro cops came chasing from the other direction and the dudes were apprehended. I on the other hand could not move.

A very friendly policeman, whose name I just can’t remember, came up to me and asked me if I was OK. I wasn’t, but I managed to say that I was and that i would like to go home now. He was sweet enough to escort me home and make sure i got there safely. I was sort of OK until i actually got home…I freaked out, completely. And bought shares in Hysterics R us…and throughout all of this the kind police officer just stood there patting me on the back and telling me it’s OK, it’s over now and I’m fine.

So I’d like to thank you guys first of all for dealing with the situation quickly and efficiently. And even though i don’t remember the guys name,I’d like to say thank you to the police man who treated me with such kindness and patience in my moment of absolute melt down. Thank you!

Regards

Ruby

P.S. erm…..just so you know, I’d like to point out to you guys that you might want to reconsider having roadblocks on Witkoppen during peak time traffic…..It really really screws us normal people around and makes us a bit negative…k?

To my dear dear blue eyed boy

This started out as a very emotional and heart wrenching post…but after much deliberation I ended up deleting the whole thing. I miss you, I’m worried about you and I wish that things were still they way they used to be. You were my boy, my friend and a ray of sunshine in my life. These days I hardly see you. I have no idea what is going on in your life, and the little I do know I hear from other people or through FB. I’m not sure where exactly the distance came from. I don’t think either of us are to blame…I suppose it’s just one of those things…but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

But before I become all emotional and girly I just wanted to tell you this. I miss you! More than you can ever imagine. And I will always love you in that special way that we love each other. Closer than the bestest of friends and yet, no more than friends. Look after yourself you hear.

I love you

Ruby
xxxxx