Author: Rubyletters

Dear ghost of weekend past

Wow…you really snuck up on all of us, and then proceeded to leave us with our heads spinning.  You were in and out so fast I barely had time to enjoy your stay *sulk*.

I’ve been relatively unsocial this weekend to be honest.  I just haven’t been up to it, for various reasons.  But I did get a lot done and I suppose that’s what weekends are for.  I even managed to spend quite a bit of time just relaxing and being lazy…this made me happy:)

Friday evening and the whole of saturday was spent at home.  I was tired, stressed and in desperate need of some me time.  It’s been a rough week work wise, and in between everything else I’ve been trying to sort out things that need to be done before i leave in 2 weeks. EEEEEEEEK!!!! *insert mini super excited super stressed freak out here*.  Also, someone who is really close to me has been in hospital the entire week.  Being worried about someone important really does drain you…emotionally and otherwise.  He’s doing alright and showing great improvement, but he’s still in hospital, and to be honest, until he’s home safe my worry levels will remain high.  It’s just the way I am.

Today didn’t go quite as planned, but it ended up being a really fun day:)  I went shopping for the new laptop.  You know, just comparing specs and prices and measuring up what I really want against what I really need.  It’s quite a labour intensive process I assure you.  But by the end of the week I need to make a decision and I won’t be happy with my choice unless I KNOW I did all my homework.

Laptopshopping was supposed to followed by a late lunch with a couple of friends, but due to unforeseen circumstances this was cancelled at the VERY last-minute.  Which allowed me to attend the GirlGuides event.  Much fun was had with the girls where conversation circled around gadgets, little bits of admin, new jobs, gadgets, boys, reviews, gadgets and more gadgets.  Altogether a really fun day:)

Sadly my sunday evening is filled with work.  We’re starting a brand new client tomorrow and there is a lot of planning and documentation involved with starting a new electronic file.  My last bit of overtime for the new job I guess:)

So weekend, please tell the week ahead that I hope to have a good one.  It’s going to be an emotional one I’m sure.  It’s my last week at my present employer.  I’ve been there for 6 years…that is a LOT of memories and a lot of blood, sweat, tears and happy times.  Please let my friend improve swiftly, please let the fact that I have to trek to Pretoria every day this week not affect my mood, please let me find the laptop I want..and most of all..please fill my week with happiness, laughter and moments shared with the people I care about.

Love

Ruby

xxxxxxx

A little something about awesome things and big changes

So as you can see….this is not a letter.  I didn’t want to loop it into the ‘Dear Readers’ category and to be honest this is just too big and too exciting to limit it to a letter…so it’s a normal post…about extraordinary things:)

Right, as you all know I’ve been stressing about my whole job situation.  The truth of the matter is….my contract at my current place of work runs out at the end of this month.  And, as much as they wanted to renew it, and as much as I love working here and as much as I love my job….I was getting bored.  I needed a new challenge AND I wanted to move into the direction in which I did my masters degree in…Forensic accounting.  So without securing another job first I informed my boss, no uncertain terms, that I wouldn’t be renewing my contract.  They’re sad to see me go and I think they’re going to suffer a bit in the first few months..but my boss is happy for me.  We have an amazing relationship and he’s cheering me on from the sidelines at the moment…willing me to succeeded.  For this I’m eternally grateful.

Needless to say, the last few weeks have been stressful.  After 28 February I won’t have a job and thanks to all my medical emergencies at the end of last year my ‘buffer money’, although still present, wasn’t quite as much as I would have liked it to be in case I didn’t have a job come 1 March.  I was getting annoyed with myself for stressing so much.  God has always provided for me…and this would be no different..but stressing is a human trait..it’s something we all do.

I’ve been applying, calling, sending out CV’s, looking up old contacts and doing everything in my power to get a job.  I had a couple of interviews lined up…but I guess I will phone them and cancel.  That’s right…I got a job:) *whoooot* .  Well, technically I didn’t get a job…I’ll be a consultant…so for all practical reasons I’m self-employed and charging myself out at an hourly rate.  I have been given the opportunity of a lifetime..and I’m grabbing hold of it with both hands.  I’ll be working on the most interesting and often ‘top secret’ forensic jobs with one of the biggest names in the forensic accounting profession in the next couple of months.  He’ll be showing me the ropes…what more can I possibly ask for?

I’ve been weighing up all the pros and cons for days now…and no matter how I look at it the pros of doing this far outweighs the cons.  The biggest con of course being not having a guaranteed income at the end of every month.  That’s what saving and budgeting and planning is for…who better than a financial advisor to sort that out????

The opportunity came completely out of the blue, from a direction that I wasn’t really pursuing. And i suspect that’s what makes it even more exciting for me.  This opportunity just kind of showed up.

I’m overwhelmed and incredibly excited and scared to death.  Astronomical changes are about to happen in my life…and as scared as I am…I can’t wait:)  I’ll be travelling a LOT in the next couple of months and I’m afraid Jozi won’t be seeing much of me.  But it’s only for a few months at a time and the work experience and the reputation I’ll be gaining from this will make it totally worth it.

The one thing that is catching me a little is the fact that I’ll be far removed from my social circle.  I’ll see them every now and again….but not nearly as often as I do now.  I’m going to miss my best friend.  This person forms such an integral part of me…the distance and not being able to see each other often is going to be really tough. Although from experience I know that the bond we share is not governed by human borders and perceptions of distance.

I’m scared because I’m moving from what I know (spending 6 years at the same company and knowing all my clients and really knowing my shizz with regards to the work) and leaving my comfort zone far behind me.  But excited because I’m entering a new phase of my life.  Starting a new challenge.  Excited because I’ll be my own boss.  I’ll be able to do my planned 3 week trip to Europe because I won’t have to try to fight for leave.  Excited because this is what I wanted and I’m given the opportunity to do it…not just by anyone…by one of the big dudes in the industry.  I feel so incredibly blessed right now:)

The next 2 weeks is going to be absolutely crazy! Buying a laptop, securing work visas, working on my packing techniques (I’ll be flying out every 2 weeks for 2 weeks to begin with), setting up different accounts for my ‘consulting business’, etc etc etc…the list is endless.  Can anyone say Ruby running around like a headless chicken???  I’m counting on the fact that the ‘go go super Ruby’ function will work properly:P

In other news…my couches finally came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does massive happy dance* I spent the weekend doing curtain shopping and rearranging the lounge until I found something I was happy with (I had to giggle at the fact that the arrangement I liked the most was the one suggested by the best friend).  Finally my lounge looks like it belongs to a grown up…who would have thought THAT could ever happen:P

Oh….and happy valentines day everyone! *hugs and kisses all around*

Dear Readers

So here’s how this little game goes:  I start and finish a couple of sentences, then you finish the same sentences in the comments section:)  It’s really quick and quite a bit of fun…

I am…..

………rather stressed about this whole job situation.  I’ve been trying really hard to NOT stress and to remain positive and I’ve mostly been pretty succesful, but the reality does hit me quite hard every now and again….I’m not good with not being in control of things this important.

The future…

…………..although slightly uncertain at the moment is looking very bright.  Full of new challenges and experiences and I’m VERY excited about this.

Happiness….

………..is your own choice, i know and believe this.  BUT a large part of my choice of happiness is entangled with the happiness of the people closest to me.  I really do want them to be happy and comforted and excited about life.  This makes me happy.

Lazy Saturdays and Sundays……

…………are sometimes the only medicine you need

Throwing your toys out the cot…..

…………….is generally not acceptable.  But I will concede that sometimes it is needed and probably the ONLY way you will receive the desired result.

My life….

……………….is an interesting mashup of people and things and emotions and experiences and uncertainties at the moment….i love it!

Right my lovelies…now it’s your turn:) And GO!

Love

Ruby
xxxxx

Dear Paul…I still remember

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been over a year already.  I haven’t thought of that day in quite a while.  Sure, I often think of you…sometimes i forget you are no longer with us and think I should call you, and then I realise I can’t.  That realisation always comes hard and fast and without any mercy.  But it’s been a very long time since I’ve allowed myself to think of that day.

I had a really crappy day today.  You know, one of those days where you really just want to curl into a little ball and cry and hit something until you feel better? Then while I was sitting in front of the television, not really paying attention to what was on, they showed a shot of a guy getting hung. That sight made all those memories flood back.  It was like being stabbed in the guts all over again.

I haven’t allowed myself to think of that sight in a very long time.  Haven’t allowed myself to wander too far and investigate too much how I dealt with the trauma of having to cut down the body of my friend that committed suicide.  But seeing that today…it reminded me.  To be honest it made me feel like I was going to throw up….I remembered the smell, the sight, your mother’s crying in the background *shudders*.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve dealt with this a long time ago…I’ve just chosen NOT to dwell on it.  To focus on the happy memories I have of you.  The sight of you hanging there…that’s definitely NOT how I want to remember you.  And until now I’ve been succesful in ignoring it.  Is it the wisest course of action…I don’t know.  All i know is that this makes me cope with it.

I miss you my friend, and I wish you were still around.

Love

Ruby
xxxxx

Dear Academia

So after a recent chat to my best friend my mind is ever so slightly confused about my academic future.  But let me back up a bit and explain.

Much as I hate admitting it I’m one of those eternal students…I blame my father for this.  Ever since I can remember he has always been busy doing some course, diploma, or a couple of subjects towards some sort of degree.  It’s his thing and he enjoys it.  In many cases it doesn’t serve any purpose as he loves his job, he’s a teacher, and doesn’t plan on doing anything else…he loves teaching…and studying it would seem.  And now, as fate would have it, I’ve been bitten by the same bug.

I finished my degree and my honors degree full-time a couple of years ago.  I then proceeded to finish my articles for my chosen vocation and then I decided to do a Master’s degree.  It’s been a long hard road, but i completed the masters at the end of last year.  I’ve always promised myself a year off after that before I attempt to do any further studying…using the excuse that I need a year to rest and just have a social life.  (At this point I wish to ignore all my friends who tell me that I manage to have a pretty decent social life even while I was doing the master’s degree).

I’ve been playing with the idea of doing my PhD…in a year’s time.  So next year, and allowing me this year to just be and not have to worry about deadlines and studies and stuff.  Then, on sunday I was having a conversation with my best friend and my possible PhD popped up.  While talking to him I came up with the best topic for my PhD EVER! Nobody has ever considered it.  It is utterly unique.  So what does my best friend do? He encourages me to get going and start the PhD This year before somebody steals my idea.

I have to admit…his positive reaction really got me thinking.  This idea could work.  Thing is, a PhD is a LOT of work and I’m not entirely sure I’m ready for it just yet.  I mean, just to pitch my idea and get it approved I need to register and pay AND do the initial research for it.  Just pitching the idea is a lot of work already, and with job hunting and probably starting a new job soon I’m just not sure if I could handle it.  BUT I kind of really want to do this and I want to do it NOW.

So do you see what you have done to me silly academia??  I have a while longer before I either need to commit or not.  I’ll need to register and pitch by the end of May if I want to do it this year.   So I can spend another month mulling over it before i make a final call.  *sigh* Why do I do this to myself??

Regards

Ruby