My dearest readers, once again I find myself in a position where I look at my poor little blog and realise just how badly I’ve abandoned it of late. I somehow feel like a bit of a bad mother, life I’ve forsaken my only child or something. But here’s the thing….luckily a blog is not a child and even though I feel terrible for being so quiet on here, I know the reasons for my silence better than anyone.
You see, so far this year has been amazing and horrible and hard and exciting all rolled into one. And being faced with all of this has made it hard for me to formulate my thoughts into words and more than that…some of what I’ve experienced I didn’t want to share…it was mine to deal with, mine to struggle with, mine to enjoy and mine to share when I was ready to do so.
So without going into too much detail, here are the facts:
I met a guy…..a pretty awesome one in fact
I was unemployed for nearly 6 months (a very very stressful time for me)
I was grateful for my uncanny ability to stow away money for rainy days….I survived 6 months and still have some left
I visited my bro in the States for 2 weeks earlier this year and met my dearest Baby B (who is no longer a baby) in real life for the first time and fell completely in love with him
I spend more and more time on Skype missing my family and especially my nephew
I was given an amazing opportunity with an amazing company as an external consultant (so I’m still my own boss)
I spent 3 months out in the middle of nowhere South Africa catching bad guys and only returning home for a couple of hours a week
I realised how spoiled we are in Jozi with the amazing signal……middle of nowhere SA has very little signal
The future is looking rosy again
My circle of friends shrunk and I realised who my true friends were
When my best friend is struggling with things, I struggle….I can’t help it….I wish I could make it better
I’m finally back in Jozi (for the time being anyway
You see…life does this silly little thing of getting in the way and we become so busy that we no longer have time for the things we enjoy doing. I love writing and pouring my heart out here on my little blog…but sometimes it’s just not possible to do this. But here I am…back (for now) and ready to once again fill your life with useless information:P
So for now…let me fill your life with some beauty, courtesy of #MiddleOfNowhereSA and the Americas
I can’t take credit for this little gem…it comes from the remake of FAME. While the new version of the movie wasn’t nearly as impressive and lasting in my memory as the original, this little monologue connected with something deep within me.
As more and more of my friends approach, and then turn 30, I’m amused at the general emotional upheaval it seems to bring and my lack of such reactions at the time. I didn’t stress, I didn’t have an emotional wobbly because I’m suddenly “old” (30 is NOT old btw) and I certainly didn’t have the sudden realisation that my biological clock might be running out…nothing. In fact, my reaction was quite the opposite. I approached the day with a quiet excitement and contentment. Looking forward to entering a new adventure in life.
Why the lack of negative emotion associated with the age? I have no idea. Why do girls even have negative emotions at the thought of turning 30 anyway? Is it because they feel they haven’t achieved everything they set out for themselves when they mere children approaching adulthood and thought they knew what they wanted? Or could it maybe be that as an 18-year-old 30 sounded really old and somehow they’ve managed to lodge that thought in their heads when it comes to being 30? Or do they believe that when the clock strikes midnight and you hit 30 your face will suddenly be filled with wrinkles, your boobs will sag, you’ll lose the ability to attract men, you will no longer be able to have children and you will miraculously gain about 10kgs?
The truth is: I have no idea why girls tend to strike an emotional wobbly about the big three oh. In fact, I’m not even sure i know why turning 30 is a big deal at all. What I can tell you however is that somewhere, somehow, mysteriously being 30 changes you. The changes aren’t big but they are THERE and I’ve come to realise I love them. I’m not sure if it happens to everyone…but I’ve come to learn that in the last 7 months I’ve developed more confidence in who I am, how I look, what I want and my attitude of not settling for what I don’t want and not wanting to waste my time has escalated slightly. Not to the point of being a spoiled brat ( I KNOW you can’t always get what you want) but just enough that I refuse to waste my time with people who are bad for me. I’ve become more likely to step away from a situation and realise that the people in the situation are bad for my soul. And this is a good thing.
My two cents on turning 30? Embrace it! Grab it! Love who you are no matter what your age. And at the risk of sounding epically cheesy…age really is just a number. It’s about what’s going on in your head and your heart, not the year you were born in.
I can hardly believe that I’m sitting here writing my annual “end of year” blog already. It feels like just yesterday that I was jetting off to the States to see in the new year in Times Square with my closest friend. But here I am, looking back and reflecting on the year that’s been. My initial reaction when thinking about this year is that it was a really really tough one…but it wasn’t all bad. There was a lot of good contained in this year too…a lot of happy moment shared by myself and the ones I consider dear to me.
Every year I write a little post listing big events or things I’ve learnt and this year shall be no different. Please feel free to add anything I’ve missed in the comment sections…since you guys share such a big part of my life anyway:)
I kicked of the year with a massive party in my favourite city in the whole world. My close friend and I traveled to the States to conquer Washington DC and New York and to party in Time’s square along with millions of other people. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my entire life, and to be honest when I think about it I can almost not believe that I was really there:)
The rest of our holiday in the US and I extended my stay with a week to go visit my brother and sister-in-law.
I get to spend my brother’s birthday with him for the first time in many years
I felt Baby B (nephew) kick for the first time and I accompanied my sister-in-law on one of her visits and was able to hear his little heart beat. I’m not broody at all…never have been. But hearing that little heart beat…my eyes filled with tears and that little baby stole my heart right then and there…even though he was still a few months away from being born.
The Italian somehow managed to squeeze over my walls and swept me off my feet…sadly it didn’t last and later in 2012 we broke up.
After months of waiting (having ordered it in October 2011 already) and secret keeping (very few people knew) my gorgeous and epic car arrived in January. My little MINI, spec’d to a level of crazy and exactly as I wanted it:) MINI FTW!!!
For the first time I was faced with the harsh realities of being self-employed. It’s a scary world and I’m grateful that it was only a small scare.
My gran became seriously ill and was admitted to a hospital in Durban. I flew down for one night as we were all convinced she wouldn’t make it thought the weekend. I return to Jozi broken-hearted, convinced I’d never speak to her again
My gran makes a miraculous recovery from the pneumonia and is sent home…but the cancer is back with a vengeance and we all know it won’t be long.
My close friend got engaged to the girl who stole his heart:)
Early one morning I ended up in ER with everyone convinced I was having a heart attack. Biggest SCARE EVER! I made hospital art after the ECG.
I move into a new home. I LOVE it! probably twice the size of my previous place and I have a little garden.
I meet the neighbourlady…which in the few months that I’ve lived in the new place, has become an amazing friend.
My gran passed away peacefully while taking an afternoon nap. I think this was the one single event that shaped my opinion of this year. It broke me. Utterly and completely. She was the strongest most amazing woman, she was my best friend and just like that she was no longer with us. I still feel my eyes filling with tears just thinking about it. I miss her so very much.
Baby B is born the day after my gran passed away. The most beautiful and perfect little boy and despite not actually being able to hold and cuddle him he has stolen my heart:)
My mother receives my grandmother’s Ruby ring that my grandfather gave her on their 40th wedding anniversary and she decides to give it to me. Ruby being my birthstone and all. (happy tears) I wear it every single day:)
A rather scary event (work related) forces me to reconsider my chosen profession. I love my job…but is it worth the danger I put the people I love in? It took weeks of prayer, planning and a lot of personal analysis to figure this one out.
I took my parentals to see my dad’s all time favourite band when they were in SA – The Moody Blues…what an awesome concert!
I turned the big three oh. Most other people I know had a little episode when they realise they were turning 30…me not so much. If nothing else it has brought me to a place in my life where I’m less concerned about what others think and more about the happiness of myself and the ones I love. It’s brought a new confidence and a happiness all on its own. So I’m 30..so what…age is just a number:) It has also brought along a new motto: Some will, some won’t, so what, next.
I went to see Madame Zingara and became part of the show:P
My mother had to go for a really big operation and I was a complete wreck. Grateful that I was in a position where I was able to work from their home for a week and look after her.
Christmas 2012…our first without my gran…a joyful and sad event.
It’s been a year of incredibly long hours and hard work and a lot of pressure work wise. I still haven’t quite figured out how to relax…I’m trying my best to master this art though:P But I still tend to go overboard and work myself to the edge of a burnout.
I’ve learnt that no matter how hard you try, for some people nothing will ever be good enough.
The ones who hurt us the most are the ones we trust and love the most, because it is to them that we open our hearts, our dreams, our desires and our weaknesses.
I’ve once again realised that you can make really good friends in the most unlikely of places.
Not everyone who proclaims to be your friend will treat you as such.
True friends are worth more to me than any riches
People will judge and oppose that which they do not understand.
It has been a long year…I’m beyond tired and I’m still working. No holiday plans for me yet and it was with shock that I realised that I haven’t been off since returning from the States in January. Not a weekend away, not a weekend off, mostly work work work and more work. But it has been a good year and despite some events that made it seem like a yucky year I have been blessed. I realise that a lot of people who read my blog do not share my beliefs when it comes to God, but how can I say goodbye to a year without including the most important part of who I am and what I believe. God has provided me with a lot of grace and love and understanding and comfort this year. He has also blessed me in ways I can not even begin to explain or even comprehend. He is my Rock:)
Well my lovelies, I think that about sums it up. My 2012 in a nutshell.
As far as 2013 goes…I think this is going to be a big year all round. There are many exciting things in the pipeline…weddings, engagements, work things, friend things, family things and hopefully some epic holidays and fun times with the people dear to me. I wish you guys all the best for 2013. Make every single day count. Do what makes you happy. Take responsibility for your actions. Tell the people you love that you love them as often as you can…they might not have a tomorrow. Laugh a lot. Dance and be silly. Work hard. Do your best in all you do. 2013…look out, we’re coming for you!
You guys remember how this works right? I start and finish a few sentences……you then complete the same sentences in the comments section:)
Apologies…….should always be acknowledged. Whether they are accepted or not is irrelevant. Sometimes…..not even peanut butter straight from the jar can soothe my troubles away. A night out….when you are least in the mood for it is sometimes exactly what you need:) Friends…..come in all shapes and forms and the real ones are life savers. Talking….about something that bothers you doesn’t always make it better. I hate...that double standards seems to be the way most people choose to live. Worrying…about loved ones can make you physically ill. Laughing…is truly the best medicine. Stress…should be illegal. Love…who you are, if you don’t…change it. A hug…can cure a lot of things Life….is not always unicorns, rainbows and roses. But it’s how you choose to deal with the thorns that shows your real character.