Pretty soon you’ll be getting married, and I realise that the day that happens all ties between us will finally be severed. Well, I suppose not all ties. We’ll still be friends, but the special bond we shared will be history forever.

The point of no return with regards to the end of our relationship was passed the day I had to find out from my best friend that you were engaged. Engaged????? I was completely freaked out by it. I wasn’t even aware that you guys were back together….we were out just a couple of nights before…..we had unfinished business….we had unfinished affairs and we had an unfinished story.

I guess we’ll never have the time to complete that story now. So I’ll write the letter to replace the happy ending which should have been.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I have not been in love very many times in my life. You my dear, were one of the few. I will never ever forget the night we met and the absolute confusion in my mind as to why for the first time in my life I was at a loss for words(this does not happen very often) and my state of complete witlessness was disturbing to say the least.

Your devotion and love caught me completely off guard and for the first time in a very long time I was completely and utterly whipped. I even tuned to your station to listen to you do the breakfast show. A really really big thing, since i professed my hate of your employer the day I met you, and I vowed to never listen to it…not even for you.

You made me laugh, love, cry, hope, happy and sad all at the same time. You scared me, but also made me feel safe and cherished. You shared my love of music, poetry and writing, and you promised me a story…..our story.

My parents were elated when they found out who the mysterious young stranger of my dreams were, and you were accepted into the family in an instant. Friends were amazed at how dependant i became of your presence and your approval….me, the little miss know it all who can do anything on her own.

My future looked rosy and the life we were planning seemed perfect. But the stress and the toll of our busy lives eventually removed the rosy sunglasses of love from our eyes and we started seeing each other for who we really were. Even so we were perfect together and we braved the unbreachable gaps between our schedules and our lifestyles.

Spending time together became difficult and rare as you were working during early morning and were off during most of the day and couldn’t stay out too late, while i worked during the day and could only party at night. We finally decided that for the time being we had to call it quits….in the romance department anyway. Quality time had become almost impossible as we both climbed the ladder of success in our careers. We were lovers no longer, but friends with a special bond….who sometime forgot that they were supposed to be only friends.

Then suddenly my little world was shattered. You were engaged and our story was over, before it could even make a proper start. I think the thing that hit me hardest was the fact that your fiance was your ex-girlfriend. The bloody nympho! The one who cheated on you repeatedly in the most awful way.

You say she has changed…but i know better. I see the way she looks at every single male in the room, I see the way she seeks a way to sneak away whenever your head is turned…..i see her treacherous nature, and there is nothing i can do.

For your sake, i sincerely hope that she has changed. For the first time in my life, I pray that I will be proven wrong. You’re a decent guy, and you deserve the best. My wish for you is happiness and love. And should she not have changed, for your sake i pray that you will remain blind to this fact and that you will be happy.

A little piece of my heart will always belong to you. But this is the end of our story. Not a love story as was planned but a story of friendship, of love, of life, of tragedy and of bittersweet goodbyes.

I will forever cherish the moments we shared, and the memories we built. You showed me so many different sides of myself, and taught me just how strong and how weak I can be. You built me up after another had completely ripped me to shreds and for this i will forever be indebted to you. I hope that we shall remain friends forever on this journey. And though it may be the end of one story, I pray that it will be the beginning of another.

Love

Your Ruby

This is quite a difficult letter to write. Not because I don’t have much to say or because bad things happened, but simply because this means that I have to be all mushy and self investigative and stuff. What brought this on you might ask? Well, you know my heart better than most, you’ve managed to make me realise it’s OK to be a little dependant on someone and you phoned me over the weekend and made me think a little.

If I had to add all the times I’ve really been “IN LOVE” together, I won’t even need to use all five my fingers on the one hand. I’ve really LIKED a lot of guys, but very seldom have I fallen in love. There was the “The guy who made me the other woman”, the DJ, the guy with the smile…..and You.

You, the surfer/artist/poet with the ice blue eyes, bleached blond hair, keen gaze, artist hands, unmeasurable deepness and highly intellectual mind. You became a thief in a second and you’ve somehow managed to return only some of the treasure you stole.

You met me when I was at my worst! It was about 3 weeks after my accident. I was bedridden, a little depressed, bored out of my mind and seriously dishevelled. I had to rely on other people to at least try and to something with my hear, i was wearing “leisure clothes” which mainly meant stuff i could fit over all the casts, boots and guards i was wearing. I looked quite dreadful actually. But you pitched up at my folks’ house with one of my lifelong friends. You had joined him in the beautiful little country town for the weekend and was dutifully visiting his porcelain doll friend(they way he keeps referring to me).

In that second you walked in my door something just….well, clicked, i guess. I spent more time talking to you that weekend than i spent talking to me friend(bad friends we are). But you had to go back and that was that. We spoke over the phone every now and again, but we were simply friends checking up on one another.

Then, last year it happened. We went camping together and the thing we had been ignoring for so looooong suddenly reared it’s head again. And we were only to happy to oblige. Friends we were no longer……we weren’t in a relationship..we were just having fun. Or so we thought. Then you phoned a couple of weeks later. Shouldn’t we try this long distance thing? We could fly across once a month..it wouldn’t be so bad…..and like a fool i believed you and said yes.

But i soon realised I’m not my brother. How on earth he managed to date and engage over two continents i could never understand. The 700km’s just wasn’t working for me and I called it off. In the nicest way possible. Some called me a fool, and others applauded me for my honestly so early in a relationship. The truth of the matter is………I love attention. And I couldn’t stand not having my guy withing a reasonable distance. I don’t need to see you everyday..but i wanna know that if i needed to see you…well, i could!

Now we are back to just being really good friends. I speak to you on a twice weekly basis. We share everything. But this weekend was different. You didn’t have all that much to say. You simply wanted me to move to where you are. You are miserable without me….you missed me.

I have to admit that for a short while I did consider the possibility of moving. But I’m at a stage in my life where I’ve discovered who I really am…and I love that person. I love my job, my friends, my little house and my life here. And i realise that one day when i meet the right person or when I’m ready to settle down that I’ll have to give some of that up, or at least compromise. But I’m not ready to settle down yet. And I’m not ready to give all of that up yet.

I don’t want my future husband to expect me to give everything up….but i sure as hell wanna feel as if I would gladly give it up should it be needed. And to be quite honest……I’m not there yet.

I don’t regret telling you that I couldn’t. I don’t regret telling you that I can’t do this long distance thing. I know myself too well. And maybe I am full of crap when it comes to guys, and maybe I did pass up on the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But sitting here this morning I realised that I made the best decision i possibly could. I’m not ready for this yet.

I don’t know if the two of us will ever be together, or if we’re even meant to be. But I do know this much. You will always hold a little piece of my heart firmly in your hands. That doesn’t mean that I won’t fall in love with someone else and give them all my love and devotion. It simply means that because you were one of the very few people who actually got to see my heart you will always have a special place.

Thank you for understanding where I’m coming from on this. I know it’s hard, and disappointing and it hurts. But thank you for not telling me to bugger off. For promising to be my friend and at least understanding with your head, even if you have trouble understanding with your heart.

Love

Your Ruby