Today I’ve decided to write a letter to ALL of you using a post inspired by the ‘it’s for you‘ posts that Being Brazen always do.

How it always works: I will answer a few random questions, then you will also answer them in my comments section.  I hope you’ll all have fun participating:)

Today I……decided to trust someone with a little piece of who i am
Last night…..I dreamt that my best friend died in a car accident.  I woke up hysterical and crying and ended up feeling very much uneasy until i received a message from him during the course of the morning.
Right now….I am listening to Nickle Creek (totally awesome band) and writing a blog post.
I would be lying if….I said that i wasn’t maybe, sorta, kinda crushing on a boy person a little.
I love….salsa:)
I wish….i wouldn’t be so hard on myself when i screw up….people make mistakes…it’s normal
Thought for the day……happiness is more important than a lot of things
Song currently stuck in your head……Empire state of mind by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z

Hope you all enjoy answering my questions:)

Love

Ruby

Wow! thank you so much for the awarding me the Beautiful blogger award in your latest post. Such an incredibly sweet thing to say..the award and the beautiful words were very much appreciated:)

For the award I have to tell you 7 things about myself that you do not know and then pass it on to 7 other bloggers that I think are beautiful. A tough one, considering the various meme’s that have been completed on this here blog, but i shall give it a bash anyway:)

1. I have a dream of having a school for fine arts one day. Dancing, singing, acting, music..all of it. To promote the love there of in the hearts of the youth and those not privileged enough to be exposed to it all the time

2. I have moments of extreme loneliness…I’ll be surrounded by people who love and care for me and yet i feel like I’m all alone in the world, like nobody knows me. I’m grateful that these moments are very rare though:)

3. There is something about me that only a very limited amount of people know. Most of them respect it, but very few of them understand it.

4. I have a fascination for knives and swords. I own a swords and a couple of knives too 🙂

5. I’m a bit of a Pyro

6. I love children. Child abuse, starving children and other bad things that affect children really hits me in the gut. I used to volunteer at the government hospital while I was studying and visited the children’s ward once a week. I’d play with them, tell them stories, sing them to sleep, hold the babies, help feed them and generally give them the attention the nursing staff couldn’t give them, even though they wanted to. Some of those kids had been there for weeks and weeks on end with nobody coming to visit them. I always went home in tears and generally spent the rest of the evening feeling as if somebody ripped my heart out.

7. Today is the 10th anniversary of my favourite uncle’s death. He was an incredible human being. The last thing he said to me while i was visiting him in hospital was ‘you are beautiful, everything about you is beautiful…don’t ever lose that. You’re so passionate about life, i wish i could see where you will be in 10 years’ He died that night. Well my darling uncle, today is 10 years later…I hope I can say that you’d be proud of the person I’ve become:)

So now i get to award it to 7 other bloggers🙂 Many of you have already been awarded this specific award, so if you get a second one from me….deal with it ok?
So my awards go to:
1. Louisa – Fantastic and super interesting person. Doing the single mommy thing and generally making life fun and interesting 🙂
2. Being Brazen – she has the most insightful posts, often learn things over weekends and is a sweet and wonderful blogger person
3. Jessica – a lovely lady that I’m grateful I’ve gotten to know. Truly beautiful both on the in and the outside.
4. Phillygirl – my beautiful and darling friend, *hugs* you’re incredible:)
5. Doodles – A girl after my own heart…she’s like my carbon copy, and if i win the award so does she:)
6. Arkwife – My friendster…i love you…you are beautiful:)
7. My terrivle twin – one of the most amazing and interesting people ever…she is awesome and beautiful and you’ll love her to bits!

Love
Ruby
xxxxxxxx

P.S. Gauteng is empty without you hun🙂

So this week hasn’t all together been a good one, to be perfectly honest. A good friend of mine, who lives in CT, committed suicide last week Sunday…he shot himself. It’s the second friend this year I’ve lost in this way. I guess this time i should be grateful that i wasn’t nearby, that i wasn’t the one who found him and and that i didn’t have to stare death in the face like i had to at the beginning of the year…small miracles i guess. I’m not entirely sure i would have coped with that….once was more than enough.

I received the news on Sunday night while i was at a restaurant having fun with a couple of friends of mine. I managed to put up a brave face, hardly telling any of them at the time as i didn’t want to put a damper on their fun evening…in hindsight i think that was silly. They’re all good friends of mine who would gladly have supported me…but instead i sat there trying to be happy while i was breaking inside.

The funeral was Thursday, needless to say, it was a tough day all together. I’m kind of grateful that i was racing against time in order to reach a Friday lunchtime deadline, otherwise it would have been pure hell. It’s funny, at the time I thought i was fine. I even told my best friend that i was fine, and i wasn’t lying…but now that i look back on this week i realise that i wasn’t quite as fine as i thought,….i was sad and confused. Confused, because I’ve never ever felt really depressed. Because i don’t understand how it feels to get to a point where life just doesn’t seem worth living anymore. Confused because i was blessed with a sunshiny personality that bubbles over even when I’m going through tough times, because no mountain has ever seemed to high, because even in my darkest times my life is filled with hope and optimism.

I’ve come to the conclusion that depression and suicide will never make sense to me. My heart truly goes out to people who go through this deepest of darkness. The people who reach a place in there lives where they just don’t feel up to living anymore. My heart truly breaks for them..but i don’t understand it, and this makes me feel really helpless. All I can do is love them and support them and make sure that they know that they are appreciated and cared for. And i promise to do that to the best of my abilities.

So rest in peace my friend…you will be missed.

Love
Ruby
xxxx