There is so much that I want to tell this little bundle of joy. So many things I’d like to share with him…memories and information and I wish i could hold him and tell him how precious he is. But rather than bore you all with my aunty ramblings I’ve decided to rather just post a whole bunch of pictures I’ve received from the other side of the big waters. Prepare for cuteness overload as I share my heart melt moments:)
Some times it makes me sad to have to admit that people I used to call friends have now become mere acquaintances, if that. These are people I cared about, helped and believed to care about me. It’s a sad day when you have to admit that you were mistaken…that they were not your friends afterall…they never really cared. Even though in your case I’ve been at this point before, this week I had to finally accept that you were never a friend. You’ve been an emotional parasite, an emotional and psychological abuser and now you are no longer part of my life.
I’m tired of being called all kinds of names when the opinion you asked me to give is not what you wanted to hear. I’m tired of being insulted and called names because I refuse to engage in an argument with you. I’m tired of you discussing me behind my back and calling me names. I’m tired of caring about you and having that thrown back in my face.
I’d like to say that when I did consider you a friend the relationship was good…but the sad part is…it never was. It was always fundamentally flawed…I just didn’t realise it. Am I innocent in all of this. No. I’ve had my fair share of flinging insults at times. But I’m over the hurt…I can’t do it any more.Your latest tirade was unnecessary and extremely hurtful and brought me to this decision. It’s done, it’s over…no more.
I hope you manage to sort through your issues. I hope you find happiness. I hope you have friends that can help you though this…but I’m sorry, it’s not going to be me, 7 years is quite enough.
Ruby
xxxx
I have no words to even begin to explain how I feel. I have no words that can successfully explain just how shattered my heart is. I feel like it’s been ripped into a million pieces and they all fell shattered to the floor.
This afternoon I finally got the call that I had been dreading and preparing for, for weeks. My gran passed away *sob*. We all knew it was coming. In fact, those of you who know me well, know that I flew done to Durban not so long ago because she was in hospital and on her death-bed. Against all odds she managed to go home, walk around at home and chat to us on the phone as if nothing had happened. The cancer however, was back. And while none of us told her about it as her body was too old and frail to do anything about it…it didn’t change the fact that it was slowly sucking the life from her. It has been a heart wrenching few weeks…hearing the deterioration in her voice whenever we spoke to her, getting the feedback from my aunt that she was indeed going backwards…and then finally today…the news we had all sadly been waiting for.
The really sad part is…no matter how much you prepare..you are never prepared for that feeling of complete loss, for the instant tears and the pain in your heart. My gran was a truly amazing person. She was a daughter, a wife, a sister, a mother, a grand mother and a great-grandmother. But more than any of these she was one of my closest friends and my partner in crime. My heart breaks for my brother…he’s so far away. As most of you know my sis-in-law is pregnant and she was actually due last week saturday…which means that my little nephew is currently more than a week late already. My gran will never know that her great-grandson was born healthy and beautiful….well, not on earth anyway.
She wouldn’t want us to mourn…of this much I’m sure. She’d want us to celebrate her truly remarkable life and to be comforted in the knowledge that she is reunited with my darling grampa and that she has gone home. But as hard as I may try I can’t even begin to think of her without bursting into tears. It hurts so much to think that I will now be living in a world without her. I suppose this too shall pass…and with time only the good and fond and loving memories shall remain.
I’m grateful she didn’t suffer and that she went peacefully. And I’m grateful she went while she still had dignity and a small amount of independence. I’m grateful I got to say goodbye. And I’m infinitely grateful for the role she played in my life.
I love you gran…and I miss you. You will always have a very special place in my heart.
All my love
Your Ruby
xxxxx
So tonight is the last night I’ll ever sleep here. It feels weird being here with it looking nothing like a place I would live in. All the boxes stacked in the lounge…the only thing left untouched is my bed…so that I can sleep in it tonight.
Tonight I am overwhelmed by excitement, stress, happiness, sadness and a general feeling of…well…overwhelmedness (if I can put it like that). I’m very excited about the new house. I fell in love with it the moment I first saw it and I’m definitely looking forward to having a dedicated office rather than having 40 lever arch files in my lounge. I’ll also have a little garden and a porch and a nice big kitchen and the living area is big enough that I’ll be able to get that much wanted dining room table. I’m stressed because…well..moving is stressful no matter how you look at it. And having packers doing everything this time round was even more stressful, as I had no control over what was happening. Hiring a company to do everything was the best and the worst decision I ever made:P
But lying in my bed typing this I also feel a great sadness. This little house of mine holds so many amazing memories…and I’m almost scared I’m going to lose them because I will no longer be here. Now I know that’s absolutely ridiculous on the face of it…but I think it’s a very human reaction actually. I’ve learned so many things…experienced so many more things..and i’ve grown so much while living here that there is a little irrational part of me that’s sad because I think I might lose it.
But most of all I think I just feel overwhelmed in general….for a million different reasons which I’m finding hard to explain in words.
Thank you, 122, for some awesome memories. For being here to witness the last 2 years, for being a really awesome home. Be assured that if it wasn’t for the fact that I desperately need a dedicated study/office I would definitely not be moving.
Love
Ruby
xxxx
Happy 86th birthday!
As I sit here writing this wee little blog post I can’t help but shed a tear, give a little sob and just cry. My heart is just so full when I think of you and all that you are and what you have overcome that I don’t even know where to begin. Less than two months ago we were all convinced you wouldn’t ever come out of the hospital, let alone walk around the house with only a walker as aid. You’re a little miracle all on your own:)
You’ve overcome so much in your 86 years…fighting and surviving aggressive breast cancer, the loss of the love of your life, the death of a son, a hip replacement and heart failure to name but a few. And yet here you are…a fighter, a survivor, a never-ending source of wisdom and love and teases and hugs and one of my closest friends.
There is so much I can write here to say what an amazing person you are and how much you mean to me and truth be told I’ve written and deleted this post about a million times…because no matter how I try the words just don’t come out right and they sound hollow and don’t do justice to you.
So instead I will offer you just this. Thank you for being such an amazing grandmother, mother, sister, child and friend. Thank you for loving us so much that it feels like our hearts will explode. Thank you for teaching me how to make traditional ginger beer and how to bake bread. Thank you for being the perfect example of child like faith in the midst of darkness. Thank you for being a fighter and for showing me where I got that pig-headed tendency from:P Thank you for believing in miracles and sharing them with us. Thank you for believing in us. But most of all thank you for the role you played in my life.
With more love than I could ever explain
Ruby
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