Six years today….can you believe it? 6 YEARS!
At shortly after midnight (super early this morning) it was 6 years ago that you smashed into me that night. I can’t believe it’s been that long, and at the same time there are days that I can’t believe it happened at all. Although the scar on my leg serves as a pretty decent reminder when I do forget. I’m sure you’ll be happy to know it looks a lot better these days:)
The sub-conscious mind is an amazing thing. Every year around this time I hit a bit of a funk. I feel kinda down, insecure, a little depro and generally a bit anxious. I guess it’s understandable. But every year I realise what time of the year it is a couple of days before the time. This year I nearly missed it completely. I haven’t even thought about it once until I was on my way home today and I tried to figure out why I was feeling the way I did. Sure, it’s been a rough couple of days and I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster and I’ve been under sever pressure at work. But I’m generally really good under pressure and even hectic emotional dilemmas rarely makes me feel this…BLAH. And then as I drove up to a crossing and clenched my jaw just a tad when the car coming from my left hand side appeared not to be slowing down quite as quickly as I wanted him to it hit me. Not the car….the realisation. Today marks the 6 year “anniversary” of our rather horrid car crash. And while i might have forgotten I remembered at the same time…weird isn’t it? I KNEW something was up…i just couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
I’ve written you a letter on this here blog every year since it happened….well, since I’ve had the blog anyway:) It’s good to go back and read those posts and to see how I’ve dealt with things and how I’ve grown. I’m happy, I’m good, I have a fabulous job and an amazing life, and I can’t imagine it being any different. Sure, sometimes when I go through stressful times I have nightmares of the crash, sometimes I can’t help but hate the scars (even though they’re a lot less noticeable these days), sometimes I wonder at how things would have been different…but all of these are becoming less and less and less with each passing year. And this fact makes me happy.
I don’t know where you are or what happened to you after all of this. Quite frankly I don’t want to. There was a time (especially in the two months after the crash when I was pretty much almost bedridden) that the thought of you made me so angry. But no more. These things happen and I’m still here. You’ve probably long forgotten the whole accident…and who can really blame you. You got off without much more than a tiny little scratch, not exactly something that’ll stick in your mind for the rest of your life. But if you do remember it at all, I hope you’ll know that I’m OK, better than OK in fact. And even though I didn’t believe it at the time, I’ve come to realise that life really does go on, that I have an amazing Protector and that even scars are loved by your loved ones because they are a part of who you are, and that makes them beautiful. So this year I refuse to treat this as a way of remembering the bad. This is a celebration of my life…and when I look at who I am and what I’ve got and the people around me, how can I not celebrate and be happy? I am truly blessed.
P.S. My lovelies…pls don’t drink and drive…it’s just not worth it.