Dear Sorta Guy

How dare you??? How dare you?? how dare you?? I’m so upset right now that all i really want to do is cry. But no, I have to wear a professional little smile and appear all calm and collected to all at work. How dare you???

You have been my best male friend for what feels like a lifetime. I guess when you really think about it, its only about 2 years….but it feels like I’ve know you forever. You are the only guy I know who really really gets me. You are free spirited, spontaneous, the only straight guy I know who loves shopping and knows more about fashion than I do, my fun partner, my unromantic soul mate….all in all, you’re my boy

I haven’t really spoken to you in weeks. Not because of a lack of trying on my behalf mind you. I’ve been calling and smsing and all i get is silence. This caused my heart to constrict in fear more than once. You’re back in the evil world where you have come from. Not as one of them, but you have to face those people everyday, you work there. My biggest fear for weeks has been that you have returned to that evil, smelly world of drugs, booze, sex and generally throwing your life away in the haze that cocaine and heroine brings….i wanted to die…and still no reply.

Then just now you sent me a message, told me you were sick, you were going for an operation. When i wanted to know what was wrong you went offline….asshole! but I’m not easily put off…I smsd you. For a change you actually replied…avoiding my question at first, but eventually failing…kidney problems..they are going to try and see if they can fix it during the operation…you don’t sound hopeful.

I tell you that I’m worried, I would like to see you, i miss you. And what do you do?? you send me a snotty sms telling me that if I missed you so much I should have come and seen you at your restaurant…the one I’m starting to wish you never became a part of. how dare you????? you’re the one whose been ignoring me and now you blame me????? Please excuse me for not understanding???

Being the person I am I didn’t retaliate…oh no…I wanted to know whether I could come visit you. And you refuse? you tell me, the person you have called your best friend so many times, that she can not come and visit you while you go through one of the toughest things you’ve ever faced??? I’ve been there through most of you big decisions in you life…and you refuse me this one??

How dare you shut me out of your life? I am the one person you have always turned to, the one who has supported you while you went through some really tough shit…and this is how you treat me. Your attitude tells me that there is something that you’re not telling me. You are hiding something….and that worries me more than anything. What are you not telling? and more importantly…why? Are you afraid that I’ll be disappointed? that i won’t love you anymore? that I’ll judge you? I have known you in your worst and I’ve never pushed you away, judged you and i certainly haven’t loved you less because of any of it. why would I start now?

I miss you my sweety! I love you and I’m so angry at you right now for shutting me out? Probably more hurt and worried than angry I guess. I just wish you would tell me whats going on…the suspense is killing me:-(

Love

Your Joe

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6 thoughts on “Dear Sorta Guy

  1. thanx you guys. I would simply love to just pitch, even if he freaks, but I have no idea at which hospital the operation is taking place:-( And there are so many in our area…I don’t even know where to start looking.I’m not angry anymore tho, just really really worried. I know he’s hiding something…and i feel hurt and worried because of it:-(

  2. swakkkk, you never know with people, you think you know someone so well but then they always go fuck it up and surprise you somehow, sometime.maybe its not kidney problems, maybe that’s why he doesnt want you there coz you’d find out….

  3. anon – nope, i’m pretty sure its kidneys. I think he’s scared and I think he might have made a mistake somewhere and he doesn’t want me to know that. I suspect that after everything we’ve been through one of his biggest fears is disappointing me. Since i’m the one who is always helping him out of his little scrapes

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