Dear Mr. Bossman and company

I can’t believe it’s time to say goodbye.  While I always knew the time would come at some point…it’s arrival has caught me off guard.

It’s been 6 years (can you believe it’s been that long??) of ups and downs.  Filled with growing pains and loads of hard work for all of us.  But looking back on it all I can truly say that it’s been mostly ups…there have been very few downs in the last 6 years, and the ones we did have, have been written off to experience and personal growth.

Friday was my official last day at the office, but we were filled with smiles and laughing throughout my farewell because we all knew we’d see each other again on monday morning when I would be popping in to drop off my laptop and office keys….my final goodbye.  I managed to stick to my motto of ‘no tears’ on friday until numerous clients started responding to my final e-mail saying farewell.  My last hour at the office was filled with phone calls and e-mails…many of which drove me to teary eyes.  Not only will I be missed by my colleagues, but also by clients.  I’ve spent 6 years building up relationships with these people, and just like that it’s over.

Monday morning was the worst.  You became all emotional and even gave me a hug when I finally left the office, without a key, a remote or a computer.  My final connection to the office has been severed.  You informed me that your morning had been filled with clients phoning, asking you to send their regards and well wishes when you did speak to me.  It was hard saying goodbye to the staff…people who I have come to call my friends. It was a moment of absolute sadness….followed by a moment of excitement.  The future is shining bright and I can’t wait to go and do my thing.

Thank you so much for the support you have given me in the last 6 years.  Thank you for your support and well wishes in my choice to make a life change.  Thank you for believing in me and giving me the chance to do the best that I could in the last 6 years.

With fond memories


Dear Paul…I still remember

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been over a year already.  I haven’t thought of that day in quite a while.  Sure, I often think of you…sometimes i forget you are no longer with us and think I should call you, and then I realise I can’t.  That realisation always comes hard and fast and without any mercy.  But it’s been a very long time since I’ve allowed myself to think of that day.

I had a really crappy day today.  You know, one of those days where you really just want to curl into a little ball and cry and hit something until you feel better? Then while I was sitting in front of the television, not really paying attention to what was on, they showed a shot of a guy getting hung. That sight made all those memories flood back.  It was like being stabbed in the guts all over again.

I haven’t allowed myself to think of that sight in a very long time.  Haven’t allowed myself to wander too far and investigate too much how I dealt with the trauma of having to cut down the body of my friend that committed suicide.  But seeing that today…it reminded me.  To be honest it made me feel like I was going to throw up….I remembered the smell, the sight, your mother’s crying in the background *shudders*.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve dealt with this a long time ago…I’ve just chosen NOT to dwell on it.  To focus on the happy memories I have of you.  The sight of you hanging there…that’s definitely NOT how I want to remember you.  And until now I’ve been succesful in ignoring it.  Is it the wisest course of action…I don’t know.  All i know is that this makes me cope with it.

I miss you my friend, and I wish you were still around.