I am generally a very upbeat person. I’m not prone to feeling sad or overly emotional and something I definitely only experience on very rare occasions is loneliness. I mean sure, I can bitch and moan along with the best of them when I’m having a bad day. But I’m rarely reduced to tears, and having a complete and utter pity party is a concept that is mostly foreign to me.
So you can imagine my absolute horror when my day pretty much went something like this. Work…..burst into tears for no apparent reason….totally annoyed with emotional reaction to seemingly nothing…..work…nobody loves me….totally annoyed with emotional reaction to nothing…..work….bursts into tears….totally annoyed with emotional reaction to nothing….feels completely alone in the world…more tears. It’s DUMB!
I’m not prone to being emotional due to hormones (before anyone asks) and well…i’m just not very prone to negative emotions and sadness in general. Which means that my reaction not only surprises me, but also annoys me. I don’t do weepy well…it’s just not my thing.
I finally gave up on work for a bit and had a cup of tea. I had to get to the bottom of this. I’m generally under a lot of pressure workwise, but this week has not been the greatest ever and brought on meetings with news of even less sleep and even less of a social life for at least the next month. I’ve been given completely impossible deadlines…and while i generally have an attitude of “BRING IT ON”, this time round I’m doing my absolute best but I suspect that I might not make it. Being down in the dumps was counter productive and I was counting on my cup of tea to help me get to the bottom of this. And then, as I was sitting there getting annoyed with my emotions’ inability to comprehend the pressure I’m under, it dawned on me. My emotional wobble is most probably completely and utterly stress related.
My solution to this problem? I’ve given my workload the instruction to kiss my ass, at least until Sunday. Tonight i plan on watching series and drinking wine, tomorrow I’ll be having coffee and cupcakes for breakfast with a good friend in town while she takes professional pics (she’s a photographer) and i tinker about with instagram:P, followed by a hopefully fun and inspiring late lunch with some fabulous girls. I’ve also decided to stop hmmmming and aaahing and just go ahead and book my holiday in August…I also spent a delightful hour researching my options on how to make it 2 weeks instead of just one and all the lovely places I can go see. And just like that the tears are gone, I feel loved and cared for again. I told you…it’s DUMB.
Work isn’t everything. Having a life is important. But at the same time….I refuse to admit defeat. I WILL make this deadline. It will probably mean little to no sleep for the next 3 weeks, very little down time and well…pulling a bit of an MIA in all aspects of my life. But I’m starting it off right. Taking the time to rally my forces by spoiling myself and then pulling yet another miracle out of the hat. Because you know…I’m a superhero:P (just kidding!) I’m probably more like a magician anyway:P
Sometimes I wonder how many of us stop to think about what we say/tweet/blog. I wonder if some people even realise just how negative, whiney and full of complaints they have become.
I’m (mostly) a very positive person. And even though my job often makes me cynical with regards to trusting people and just how screwed up the justice system is everywhere, I tend to be the person who sees silver linings, generally sounds annoyingly chirpy and also the one who gets stupidly happy at the tiniest things. Don’t get me wrong…some days I too feel down in the dumps, some days I complain and some days I whine (especially when I’m sick…I’m completely miserable and pitiful when i’m sick) but this is not an everyday occurrence. And everyone is entitled to complain or a whine or to a negative day from time to time.
But I’ve noticed that more and more people are constantly negative, constantly complaining, constantly whining and constantly a pain in my ass. Every single word that flows out of their mouths/fingers laced with the toxin more commonly known as negativity. If you let it run your life for too long you stop realising that you’re being negative, you fail to recognize the amazing things in your life and you spread negativity to the people around you. You become an increasingly horrible person to be around.
There are few things that annoy me as much as someone who has amazing people in abundance, amazing opportunities and just honestly so many blessing rained on them only for them to not once be grateful, not once say anything positive or happy…just negative negative negative! The sad part is that the external parties are not the only ones to notice. These amazing people who you have in your life…they notice it too. They feel that you don’t value them and that you take them for granted, because if you’re this miserable all the time, surely the people who surround you must feel that it is somehow their fault? And not only that..spending too much time with a negative person is emotionally draining, exhausting and quite frankly unpleasant and because it is so toxic, some of these people will, in time, also become negative. A negative person is also often extremely self-centered. Everything is a crisis, everything is horrible and in everything they ARE the victim, not because they’re actually the victim, but because they choose to act like the victim. There are days when I feel like saying “Get your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat” (to quote Pitch Perfect). I mean if your head is up there to begin with, I suppose it makes sense that you have such a crappy outlook on life.
After putting up with a lot of the negativity from a lot of people over time I have finally come to the conclusion that I need to do what makes me happy. I need to, at least to an extent, distance myself from the negative people in my life. Guys, I love you dearly, but realise for once that life is not that bad. Make a point of noticing at least one good thing a day, because I can guarantee you that your life does not suck, you just choose to see it that way.
As more and more of my friends approach, and then turn 30, I’m amused at the general emotional upheaval it seems to bring and my lack of such reactions at the time. I didn’t stress, I didn’t have an emotional wobbly because I’m suddenly “old” (30 is NOT old btw) and I certainly didn’t have the sudden realisation that my biological clock might be running out…nothing. In fact, my reaction was quite the opposite. I approached the day with a quiet excitement and contentment. Looking forward to entering a new adventure in life.
Why the lack of negative emotion associated with the age? I have no idea. Why do girls even have negative emotions at the thought of turning 30 anyway? Is it because they feel they haven’t achieved everything they set out for themselves when they mere children approaching adulthood and thought they knew what they wanted? Or could it maybe be that as an 18-year-old 30 sounded really old and somehow they’ve managed to lodge that thought in their heads when it comes to being 30? Or do they believe that when the clock strikes midnight and you hit 30 your face will suddenly be filled with wrinkles, your boobs will sag, you’ll lose the ability to attract men, you will no longer be able to have children and you will miraculously gain about 10kgs?
The truth is: I have no idea why girls tend to strike an emotional wobbly about the big three oh. In fact, I’m not even sure i know why turning 30 is a big deal at all. What I can tell you however is that somewhere, somehow, mysteriously being 30 changes you. The changes aren’t big but they are THERE and I’ve come to realise I love them. I’m not sure if it happens to everyone…but I’ve come to learn that in the last 7 months I’ve developed more confidence in who I am, how I look, what I want and my attitude of not settling for what I don’t want and not wanting to waste my time has escalated slightly. Not to the point of being a spoiled brat ( I KNOW you can’t always get what you want) but just enough that I refuse to waste my time with people who are bad for me. I’ve become more likely to step away from a situation and realise that the people in the situation are bad for my soul. And this is a good thing.
My two cents on turning 30? Embrace it! Grab it! Love who you are no matter what your age. And at the risk of sounding epically cheesy…age really is just a number. It’s about what’s going on in your head and your heart, not the year you were born in.